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Crisis Over: The New 3DS WILL Let You Get Your Portable Porn On After All

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chris-littlechild - October 14, 2014

As we know, Nintendo effing love re-releasing their handhelds. Seeing that they were onto a damn good thing with the DS, they brought us the DS Lite, the DS XL, and the DSi. We didn't even know what the ‘i' meant, but these kinds of shenanigans have been keeping Asian businessmen in saki and expensive sensible haircuts for decades.

The key to this sort of BS is ensuring that there's enough of a hook each time. A fancy-ass new feature or two, just enough to keep those sales going. In more extreme cases, some poor bastards will wind up with four of the same console before they know what the hell's happened.

But what don't you do? Remove functionality, that's what. The PS3‘s loss of backwards compatibility was a kick in the scrote, but the New 3DS's alleged loss of porn? That's a step too far. We demand our piss-poor, tiny screen-ed nekkidness!

To explain this, the new model of the handheld has an odd little feature in Japan. Its internet browser restricts adult-orientated sites, pending payment of... fifty cents or so. A 30 yen credit card charge is required to remove this censor. Because, as Kotaku reports, little Jimmy won't have a credit card, and so won't be subjected to any 3D fisting or judiciouslyjigglingjugs.com or anything else that may warp his mind.

But it's all moot anyway, because you can get the goods in a roundabout way. It's only the sites themselves, a quick google image search and you'll be knee-deep in nudity.

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