The Return Of The Chupacabra

When I was growing up in Texas you would hear tell of the Chupacabra rearing its alien head around the backcountry of central and east Texas. The monstrous creature was known to suck the blood from livestock and even the occasional person. It was basically an extraterrestrial vampire dog thing. But no one ever caught one. They all turned out to be coyotes with mange or whatever. But a landscaper named Philip Oliviera claims to have found a Chupacabra carcass and is currently keeping it in his freezer along with some Hot Pockets and freezer burned steaks. He says of the creature,

"Having studied biology and spent a lot of time camping and hunting and fishing and being out in the wilderness, I've seen what I thought was everything -- around here, anyway. But this thing is like nothing I've ever seen." 

I wonder how much biology a landscaper has studied. Maybe that's elitist. What I do know is that until they work out this whole Chupacabra problem I am not visiting my mom in Texas. I don't want to be eaten by a carnivorous beast from outer space or whatever the hell the Chupacabra is.