Rachel Bilson

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The last time I went to Whole Foods, I dashed in for some Advil for a pounding headache and some dude in a scarf pointed me in the direction of sixteen kinds of herbal remedies before finally admitting that the place had no Advil. So I beat him severely about his midsection with a scrawny organic chicken I nabbed from the meat department.

Sometimes you just want what you want and there is no ‘healthier’ substitute. Take for instance our lust for all things Rachel Bilson, who happened to be out shopping at said Whole Foods market, flashing views of her bra and some legs in her shorter skirt, and making us realize that while the most delicious things in life are truly organic, we’d still like to cover them in unnatural passion by-product. Enjoy.

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Now, I must admit to not having watched a single CW show, not at least since the day my family jewels descended into their velvet sack; none of them ever appealed to me. However, that does not deny the fact that the CW has put forth a bevy of beautiful young thespianics in their various craptastic melodramas, including the likes of Rachel Bilson, Nina Dobrev, and AnnaSophia Robb who paraded around the CW Upfront After Party last night and reminded me that menage-a-trois fantasies are just thinking small.

While all hotties who attend these Upfront meetings are restricted to family-friendly dress code, there was no denying the internal sextastic heat these three ladies can’t help but deliver whenever their shiny faces, and equally shiny bodies, make a public appearance. Could we someday learn that CW stands for Constant Wanking? Yes, yes we could. Enjoy.