Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus Black Swimsuit Cleavy Goodness Signals a Good Week

By Bill Swift | May 20, 2013 @ 8:00 am

I'm not one for omens, but when a bird as body hot as Miley Cyrus appears in a revealing Vijat Mohindra shot photo on my window sill, it's likely a harbinger of a solid week of the sextastic to come.

So I guess I do believe in omens. And the benefits of Pilates, as evidenced by how Miley has transformed her body from spastically leaning girl to fully erect woman, as it were.

At some point soon I suspect we'll see the whole bare package and really value the benefit of a solid workout regimen. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus, Arianny Celeste, Kendra Wilkinson Highlight the Hotties at Maxim Hot 100 Party

By Bill Swift | May 16, 2013 @ 10:21 am

Arianny Celeste, Miley Cyrus, and More at Maxim Hot 100 Party in Hollywood

View the Gallery / 14 Photos »

I think I'm getting too old to complain anymore about these magazine lists of who's the hottest celebrity. So many flaws, so little time to discuss them all. It's an inevitably crooked venture when you first set about to tier the sextastic. And naming somebody The Hottest or The Most Beautiful, even if you weren't doing so for crass publicity reasons, it's a faulty process at best.

Nevertheless, Maxim still knows how to throw a party that gets some good looking women to attend. As they did last night for their Hot 100 List, including Miley Cyrus, the winner of said naming, UFC Ring Girl extraordinaire, Arianny Celeste, and former stripper turned stripper, Kendra Wilkinson, who put on her best face and body for the event celebrating good looks. Can't say I got my invitation, but someday when I've got a whippersnapper nipping at my heels, I'll probably not invite them to my events either. Everybody hates their future replacement. Enjoy.

Katie Holmes Sideboob, Jessica Alba Cleave, and Miley Cyrus’ Annie Lennox Look Highlight the 2013 Met Gala

By Bill Swift | May 7, 2013 @ 9:47 am

Anne Hathaway, Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and More at 2013 Met Gala

View the Gallery / 16 Photos »

Nice to see my girl Katie Holmes back in the mix, flashing some skin by way of sideboob at the fancy pants 2013 Met Gala last night in New York. The Met Gala is one of the biggest highfalutin celebrity events of the year, with a ton of A-listers showing up in their designer gowns for the Big Apples biggest red carpet.

Besides Katie we couldn't help but notice Miley Cyrus calling upon an 80's Euro-pop vibe, Anne Hathaway, Jessica Alba showing some cleave, Kate Beckinsale, Taylor Swift, and a bunch of other top tier celebs showing off their finest. It's kind of like the very first sequence in a recurring R.E.M. sleep fantasy of mine, the one right before the the robbers break in and force all the girls to hand over their fancy frocks. I could tell you what happens next, but this is a family site. Enjoy.

Miley Cyrus Hot Body Body of Work for V Magazine

By Bill Swift | May 1, 2013 @ 9:54 am

Miley Cyrus Underboob and Covered Topless in V Magazine May 2013

View the Gallery / 10 Photos »

Don't think Miley Cyrus hasn't been hitting Pilates and yoga and even cutting back to just a few smokes a day for no reason. She's built herself one very tight, taut little short person body in Tinsel Town that's undeniably toward the top of the charts. And even as a semi-spastic gravel voiced pop diva, she's going to be recognized for that body. She deserves that. And she is doing just that in the new edition of V magazine.

The results are really quite stellar. While the hair remains something of a post-latent teen rebel silly bit of business, there's no denying that I'm quite jealous of Miley touching her own fabulous litte funbags and showing off her legs and midriff and other stretches of hot celebrity skin. She's all grown up and looking good. I can not hate. I can only leer. Enjoy.

MILEY ALSO LOOKING SEXTASTIC IN THE NEW EDITION OF ELLE

5 Photos »

Miley Cyrus Flashes Legs in Short Shorts and Stripper Heels

By Bill Swift | April 23, 2013 @ 9:41 am

View the Gallery / 10 Photos »

Not that Miley Cyrus wasn't raised in stripper heels, but they do become her I must say, especially since the Tennessee girl started really hitting the workouts something serious a year or so ago. Combine her future working shoes with some good old school Daisy Dukes, and despite not being mighty in stature, the gravel voiced pop diva caught the attention of every camera within shooting distance. Hot legs will do that. And fame. And the combination of both.

I'm not quite sure what Miley's current engagement status is, but I'm sure it wouldn't be considered rude of me to ask Miley for a little pat and dry of those stems of her just out of the shower. It never hurts to ask. Enjoy.

MILEY HAS ALWAYS LOVED A SOLID LEG SHOW IN PUBLIC

11 Photos »

Miley Cyrus Broken Up Means Miley Cyrus And I Finally Reunited

By Bill Swift | March 14, 2013 @ 2:08 pm

I say 'reunited' because in all those hours of watching Hannah Montana from the privacy of my shame closet, I always felt like Miley Cyrus was talking right back to me. My girl. We had a relationships, of sorts. But then she had to go and get engaged to Liam Hemsworth at 19 years of age and ruin everything. Now, where Miley's from, 19 might be the age when the town elders get together and order you to be married and pregnant within the month or labeled a spinster lesbian, giving up all your rights to ever drive-thru the town Arby's, but, to me, it always seemed a little young to be betrothed. Now, thankfully, that nightmare is over and Miley are I are free to be together in a more reciprocating, less TV screen humping, type manner.

If you hear gravelly voiced female moans of ecstasy emanating from the Superior Inn Motel in the Valley, don't come a 'knockin'. That's just Miley and me winding our clocks for Daylights Savings Time.

EVERY TIME MILEY POKES, I KNOW SHE WANTS ME TO CALL HER

9 Photos »

Heidi Klum Deep Deep Cleavage Steals the Show at Elton John’s Oscar After-Party

By Bill Swift | February 25, 2013 @ 9:12 am

Heidi Klum Deep Golden Cleavage at Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Party

Miley Cyrus and Heidi Klum Cleavy Pose Together at Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Party

Britney Spears Shows Cleavage at Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Party

Miley Cyrus is White Hot at Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Party

Nicki Minaj Cleavy in a White Tight Dress at Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Party

View the Gallery / 16 Photos »

Second only to the Vanity Fair Oscar-Party each year, Elton John can draw some serious female tail to his swank post-Academy Awards, including convincing Heidi Klum to come party in a plunging neckline that had us plunging even deeper than that on sight of the German model's MILFtastic chest ensembles.

So powerful was Heidi's cleavage last night that she literally and figuratively towered over the other guests, some of whom, such as Miley Cyrus, Olivia Munn, Britney Spears, and Nicki Minaj, definitely deserve a nod from the oglers of their own, but none shined quite as bright as the golden clad Project Runway star. The Kardashian sisters looked like short fat trollops in comparison, or, not even by comparison.

Congratulations to Heidi Klum. We honor you with our bald upright statutes this morning. Enjoy.