It’s not easy to be noticed in Cannes during film festival week. The place is packed with dignitaries and world class hotties as far as the eye can see. Even farther if you bring binoculars as I highly recommend. Jessica Lowndes figured out a way to stand out from the crowd during an evening event in the South of France city. A low cut not quite ample white top for her more than ample bosom which was barely contained therein. It’s not the most subtle of promotions, but who wants subtle when you’re in the world class epicenter of eyeball competition. I give Jessica nothing but credit and my undying lust for going big, or going home.
Jessica Lowndes is one of those sextastic celebrities that seems to be out of the public eye for weeks on end then unexpectedly pops up out of nowhere flashing her glorious body like a fine female form champ. It’s like a boobtastic Jack in the Box surprise. It makes me startle every time. But in a good way, not like when I used to cry and all the kids mocked me. Though in both cases I do need to run to the bathroom and lock the door to deal with my feelings. Jessica, well played. I’d love to pin a medal on you, now, let me see where… Enjoy.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
Jessica Lowndes is packing quite a pair of ta-tas under that top. (Popoholic)
What makes a great selfie? Big ‘ol funbags! (The Chive)
Jessica Simpson is back where she belongs: in daisy dukes. (TMZ)
Amber Rose Instagrams one hell of a lingerie pic. (Huffington Post)
Bella Thorne makes me think very bad things. (Drunken Stepfather)
Daniela Lopez Osorio wears lingerie on the runway like a champ. (Hollywood Tuna)
Danish beauty Nikita Klaestrup sexes up the Internet. (COED)
Jessica Lowndes quite quietly has one of the finest bikini bodies in all of Tinsel Town. You may not see her name routinely on lists or oglers clamoring for more Lowndes, but this striking brunette with the perfectly lady curved body holds her own and then some against professionals and amateurs alike.
Jessica isn’t the one keeping low key about her magical mammarial gifts either. She routinely posts photos of her sweet candidly passion inducing beach body to her Instagram account. I’m sharing them with you in the hopes that you start circulating her name among these best Hollywood body informal competitions. I mean, only if you agree with me. But take a look through some of her finer recent two-piece moments before you make your final decision. Knowledge is power. Knowledge of funbags, the fun kind of power. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Instagram
Canadian beauty Jessica Lowndes took some time off from her busy schedule of being hot for money to show off some bikini pics on Instagram. It appears as though Jessica is in some kind of island paradise while the rest of us are stuck in winter depression holes. Jessica has a fantastic pair of ta-tas that look splendiforous in her blue bikini top. Yes, I know splendiforous isn’t a word, but I had to invent one to describe hot amazing her funbags look. There is cleav for miles, y’all. Jessica has also got a nice tight stomach as you can see from the paddle surfing pics. But let’s not forget her booty, folks. It’s nice and round and I just want to reach out and smack it. But I don’t. That’s how fools get arrested.
I wish I was on a tropical island with Jessica Lowndes instead of in freezing New York with my cat. I bet some lucky bastard is with her sipping mai tais and whatnot. Some people get all the luck.
Photo Credit: Instagram
I’m not really sure what the Young Hollywood Awards are about, only that it seemed like most of the guests were not all that terribly young. Okay, in their 20′s mostly, but considering the categories were kiddy stuff such as Best Onscreen Kiss and Favorite Bromance, I’m thinking it was geared toward a much younger audience. But, stupid silly award shows aside, the hotties showed up to walk the red carpet. Young Hollywood past and present such as Vanessa Hudgens who looks better than ever before if I might say, Audrina Patridge who I understand is newly single and ever bikini hot, Bella Thorne, the darling ingenue of Hollywood, Jessica Lowndes, underrated body faptastic, and several more.
When you have an awards show at the end of July, you’re not expecting super amounts of attention. Which is perhaps why we didn’t get as much leg and skin as we get at the bigger shows. Still, I’m never looking a gift horse in the mouth, especially one with pretty pucker like Vanessa Hudgens. Enjoy.
I’m not exactly sure who Casamigos Tequila is (but, please, send us free samples), but they managed to throw the single biggest celebrity Halloween Party over the weekend. It seemed like all of Hollywood was there, even A-Listers in highly worked out costumes. None of which matter that much to me, not nearly as much as what the hotties would look like dressed up for the biggest exhibitionist holiday of the year.
And, indeed, there was much talent on display. Including heavily belusted Kelly Brook, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Jessica Lowndes, all showing off a little booty and boobtastic in the spirt of the pagan ritual. Far more treat than trick, which makes my personal Jack O’Lantern grin with a lascivious smile. Enjoy.
P.S. The day before the party, V.S. MILFtastic Alessandra Ambrosio hit her daughter’s school dressed as a naughty little devil in Daisy Dukes. I won’t soil the sanctity of the elementary school Halloween Party by telling you exactly what I’d like to do with sextastic Satan, but suffice it to say, it would send me straight to Hell.
We don’t really know what Jessica Lowndes is up to these days, but she sure does make a lot of red carpet appearances and she sure does know how to show off one killer boobtastic at pretty much each whistle stop. Or cat-calling stop. I mean, guys are going to notice when your bazoongas are pressed up under your chin. They’re going to imagine those fine sweater kittens pressed up under their own chins.
It’s all natural and glorious. As are Jessica’s fully inflated pleasure crafts. Well, glorious at least. And now routinely on display. We couldn’t be happier for ourselves. Thank you, Jessica. Enjoy.