Okay, we've already kind of spoken our peace about the celebration of the musical arts b.s. that the American Music Awards and all music award shows claim to be. And, no, we're not music snobs, because half of this craptastic pop music we actually like, but when we listen to it, we know it's the Doritos chips equivalent of audio excellence. It's junk food for the ears. But when Uncle John is in town from Humboldt County, oh, how we crave that junk food.
In contrast, what we do take quite seriously is the bevy of beauties these award shows bring out; divas of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, origins, and auto-tuned pre-recorded levels that share one thing in common -- we want very badly to make the sexy with them backstage in a closet.
This year's American Music Awards awards for noteworthy excellence in the area of wood making included Selena Gomez, who really stole the show tonight, despite the omnipresence of her 90-lbs of goof tied to her arm, Katy Perry, who has now not shown us her boobs for four full years, Taylor Swift, who still always looks like she's trying to see into the Close Encounters alien ship when the doors open up and the aliens descend (but we still want to make many babies with her), Jennifer Lopez who put on a 40-something body show for the ages, Christina Aguilera, who has seen some hard times, but bonus points for bringing the cleavetastic, Jennifer Hudson and her new bodacious body, Albanian import Bleona Qereti who dropped some silly amounts of boobtastic, ever hot Vanessa Minillo, and non-singers Sarah Hyland and Audrina Patridge who just rev our engines in entirely different ways.
Not a bad showing, AMA's, at least in the area of the visual arts. Enjoy.
Egotastic
What to Expect When ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ Hits the Theaters (Hide!)
It's ball check time. And I'm not talking P.E. teacher inventory. You know what I'm saying.
May 18th, the estrogen-laden What to Expect When You're Expecting comes out in theaters in the U.S. If you attend this film, and I'm speaking to the men among us now, you might just trade those twin jewels in for a gift bag of potpourri scents, because in the very least, emasculation ought to smell like a spring morning.
That being said, for the preggo fetishists among us, well, we'd be remiss if we didn't share the only male-redeemable elements to this film: Brooklyn Decker, Elizabeth Banks, Jennifer Lopez, Anna Kendrick, and Cameron Diaz. Now imagine them pregnant, or picture them in these promo pics for the film.
Enjoy your kink-fantasy fun time. But, under no circumstances, without a fake mustache, a sombrero, and a legal name change, should you be seen entering a venue to watch this movie. Don't forsake the jewels.