We all know that Jennifer Lopez is Jenny from the Block in the Bronx. But did you know that she’s never actually performed in the Bronx before? I mean, not since being in kid talent shows and dancing in her living room for the relatives. Yeah, I didn’t know either. But in my defense, I’m mostly infatuated with her curvaceous bottom and spent little time stopping to do the life and background research. There’s only so much time in the day.
Jennifer returned finally to her hometown for a free show at Orchard Beach last night where she pulled all her hot bodied dancer and sort of singer tricks out of her bag. Including lots of her standard hits and a whole lots of legs, booty, and body on display. Hey, if you’re going to announce your homecoming, why not doing it by showing everybody what they’ve really been missing the last twenty years without you. Same reason I wore my authentic Stormtrooper costume to my high school reunion. Enjoy.
Say what you will about Jennifer Lopez as a TV host or singer or public figure or what have you, when it comes right down to it, there are very few 40-something mamas who can bring it like Jennifer still brings it in her music videos and stage performance. Dancers age gracefully. Sextastic sultry Latina dancers with amazing asstastics age even finer. Just look at Jennifer Lopez in these stills from her First Love music video.
I’m feeling some first love of my own if you will. So pure and true and filled with images of slathering honey on big tight cans. That’s the greatest love of all. J-Lo, you are still quite amazing, whatever you’re doing to make it happen, keep doing it, we’ll keep on ogling. Enjoy.
Don’t you tell Jennifer Lopez she’s a 40-something mom now and it’s time to hang up her stirrups, err, booty cheeks. Not a chance, sir. Not when she can still shake her long time moneymakers on stage as she did in Anaheim in a pair of leather shorts and still get her round cheeks well into the action. That’s one MILFtastic asstastic cheeky buttercup right there. That doesn’t belong on a shelf.
Jennifer Lopez and her famous thumper have been dazzling audiences for twenty years now with no real signs of slowing down. You don’t just send those squeezable fruits out to pasture. Not when a million men’s imagination remain very much intrigued. You go, Jenny. I’ll let you know when it’s time to stop. Enjoy.
The Billboard Music Awards was a veritable bevy of hotness. Nicki Minaj and her giant ta-tas were on full display. She has got to be in the top 5 most gargantuan melons on Earth right now. My hometown girl Kelly Rowland was wearing what is essentially a sports bra. I remember seeing Kelly and her girls back in Houston in the 90′s. Those sweater puppies helped me through puberty. My girl Jennifer Lopez was also on hand wearing a sheer see through skirt and a tiny pair of short shorts. J-Lo’s legs are friggin dynamite. That is what arroz con pollo does, god bless it. Kylie and Kendall Jenner were also there looking hot as F. Kylie had a top that was basically a glorified bikini top. One of my childhood crushes, Danica Mckeller, attended as well. She brings back memories of me sitting and staring lustfully at The Wonder Years.
One of the main reasons I want to become famous is so I can go to events like this. Besides the beach, the red carpet is the best place to ogle celebs.
Jennifer Lopez was on fire in a sultry red dress in LA yesterday. Jenny was on her way to her day job as host of American Idol. In the history of hotness it’s hard to argue that J-Lo has some of the most spectacular curves ever. Her hips were genetically engineered for maximum hotness. You can just tell by the way she shakes them when she’s dancing that she knows how to use them in other ways too. Jenny’s booty is, of course, legendary. They are like two perfect caramel colored mounds of perfection. Curves like that come from a diet high in arroz y frijoles and working out quite a bit. The working out is key because if you just do the Latin food part of the diet you end up looking like my aunts and no one wants that.
Jen has been looking really good lately. Maybe she’s done something to her hair or maybe she’s just wearing tighter clothes again. Whatever it is, I approve.
Jennifer Lopez knows how to make an entrance. Her weekly arrivals for the live tapings of American Idol shows where they do something that I don’t watch or know about but I’m told it was awesome about ten years ago is more than impressive. Jennifer is headed into her job, but she also knows there are a million and one cameras going to hit her the minute she exits her limo, so she makes it all count in the only way she knows how, looking damn amazing and MILFtastic in one kind of form fitting dress or another.
Jennifer chose gold last evening, the symbol of wealth and power and lust inducement if you happen to have a 40-something still emoting booty like J-Lo does. I can’t say much for the musical talent that comes out of American Idol, but I can tell you that Jennifer Lopez is always the winner in my book. And I’m not just saying that so she’ll let me caress her derriere the next time we meet. Although, if that happens, it happens and I will be taking selfies. Enjoy.
Someday, I ought to be receiving my own GLAAD Media Award for my rather specific and repeated endorsement of hot lesbionic action on film and at bus tops and in Sapphic celebrity pool houses. But this year, Jennifer Lopez won the top award which meant she showed up to the big award show gala decked out to impress. And she did. But she wasn’t the only lady that caught my eye on the red carpet as Greek Goddess Maria Menounous also showed up looking mighty fine, and Argentinean actress Sandra Vidal and Australian transplant Caitlin Stasey decided to bring out the serious cleave for the event as well.
So while I am obviously disappointed that my scissor kissing endorsements didn’t win me a trophy, I can’t help but feel a little glad myself at the sextastic sights on the red carpet for the inclusive organizations honorarium evening. And that concludes the worst pun ever. Enjoy.