Every year the sweet looking moms head to the Mr. Bones Pumpkin Patch in West Hollywood to get some pumpkins for the little ones in front of as many cameras as possible. Uber-MILFtastic Jessica Alba even took her kids two days in a row, because you know, eleven hours grabbing a pumpkin when you’re in kindergarten simply isn’t enough. I could hardly complain about this obvious publicity gesture for every mid-October it brings out the sextastic motherly types such as Jessica, Jennifer Lopez, Elisabetta Canalis, Jaime King, and Fergie to traipse around in what they believe to be chick but functional mom wear and smile for the cameras. I kind of dig this annual tradition.
As you may know, I was touched inappropriately in a pumpkin patch as a child. It was by large bird of some kind that fought me over my choice of pumpkins as a small child. That evil flying bastard won that round, but I vowed to eat lots of winged creatures for dinner ever since that day. I like to think I got my revenge. Now, I’m able to return to the pumpkin patch without so much traumatic recollections. Albeit, a single man roaming around the pumpkin patch is pretty bad for your reputation. I try to make it work by dressing like a scarecrow. Enjoy.
Wow, I mean, MILFtastic forty and faptastic wow. Jennifer Lopez flashing her wicked tight and toned mommy tummy in Hollywood and some sweet cleavage in a sports bra and stretch pants just blocks from where I work slash nap. This is quite the tingly feeling. We see Jennifer flaunting her sweet bodily wares when prepped for shows or concerts, but to see the smoking hot and sextastic bodied mom just candidly on the streets looking so stellar, my heart is beating double time.
Jennifer, you are an inspiration to women everywhere, you know, speaking on behalf of all women. Okay, to men at least, the gentleman oglers who truly appreciate a woman in her 40′s who looks absolutely spectacular and fit and sultry curvy. I actually think I might cry. My beautiful Latina. You do captivate me so. Enjoy.
Jennifer Lopez has more than got it. She done got it. And got it all over. Including some truly wonderful cleavage she was showing off at an American Idol event in Los Angeles. I’m not sure what the event was, perhaps the American Idol funeral if we should be so lucky, but I’m guessing more so a promotional event for the umpteenth upcoming season. That show may never die a natural death. Still, it brings us such wonderments as Jennifer Lopez and her MILFtastic sweet views in showy gowns throughout the year. That’s more than enough to get me to stop bitching about craptastic television I only have to watch when visiting my niece.
Jennifer Lopez, don’t every let anybody tell you to start wearing more clothes. They’re wrong. Enjoy.
Jennifer Lopez has quite the life. She’s somewhere in the world on any given day flashing her amazing MILFtastic thumper on stage half-nekkid and lip-synching into a microphone for screaming fans. That’s not too shabby as far as careers go. Not that it beats blogging, but it’s close.
Of course, to make this lifestyle work, you need to be in your 40′s with the asstastic of a 20-year old booty model. And J-Lo delivers that whacking thwacking booty every single time she hits the stage. They’re not coming for the auto-tuned music. They’re coming to see the butt slapping goodness. Okay, like one kid is coming for the music. But he probably gets made fun of at school. Enjoy.
Wow, I mean, just wow. If you happen to call yourself an assman, which actually is how my business card line item for occupation reads, then you have to be a fan of Jennifer Lopez and Iggly Azalea in the new music video Booty. Granted, the music is rather silly and contrived and been done a million times, but the sight of J-Lo and Iggy Azalea slapping curvy bottom sides together, not to mention their own, well, the French call this magnifique I believe.
I know the rumors are that Iggy might be artificially sweetening her arse, but I’ve always felt that Jennifer was one of those lucky birds who inherited and trained her finely curved derriere. Either way, not the kind of questions I ask while watching two women pretend to make out and then rub their oiled down cheeks against one another to make beautiful music. There is a time for talk and there is a time for silent drooling. This would be the latter. Enjoy.
I suppose there comes a day for every woman when men no longer crank their necks to peek at their booties in jeans. That day is still a good way’s off for Jennifer Lopez. One of the original jean bottom filling pop divas, twenty years later J-Lo is still working her derriere into a pair of form fitting jeans with the best of the MILFs on the streets of Manhattan.
While the sextastic celebrities we follow work themselves into thousand of complicated designer outfits and haute couture, there may be no better measure of their enduring ogling worthy success than how they look in a simple pair of jeans. Okay, maybe not the $35 pairs I buy, but just plain old jeans nonetheless. Jennifer, you can work my ranch girl fantasy-scape anyday. Let’s go rope them doggies and spend an evening under the stars with me convincing you to get out of that denim. I’ve got the Willie Nelson mix tape all ready to go to enhance the mood. Enjoy.