Evan Rachel Wood

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What if you had a hottie party and every hottie in Hottieville showed up?

Another year, another invitation to the Costume Gala at the Metropolitan Museum lost in the mail by my postal delivery specialist, Mr. Tritonovich. Alas, I was all dressed up in my finest Zubaz pants with nowhere to get. Thankfully, my good friends from Italy, Signor Paparaazo, kept me busy all evening long with a never-ending stream of sexy celebrities at the Met Gala. The list is ridiculous. Granted, this is a party where a bunch of dudes with exotic names and no interest whatsoever in women's boobs, design a bunch of high-fashion for celebrities and pretend that they care how their models asses look in their couture. Nevertheless, even with billowing fabrics, feathers, and an assortment of things way to complicated for normal dudes to ever undress off of a woman, there was a supernova's worth of heat coming off the Met red carpet last night, among which, my favorites, if forced to choose, were Ashley Greene (just incredibly hot), Miranda Kerr (and her new boobtastic), Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (getting steamier as Transformers 3 approaches), and Rihanna (who more and more resembles a classic sculpture of some hottie princess from exotic lands).

In addition to this quadrangle of sextastic quim, there were a bazillion and one other sexy celebs, but as a result of the beer-drinking-is-making-me-sleepy principal this evening, I did cut the list down to: Evan Rachel Wood (how is this girl not more highly rated?), Lily Aldridge (L.A.'s finest offspring), Bar Refaeli (Israeli hottie), Beyonce (the booty call of my dreams), Fergie (I'd like to add my gravy to her peas), Madonna (oh yea, give it up for Madge at 52), Kristen Stewart (who could not bring herself to smile), Taylor Swift (just a classic beauty), Kate Hudson (pregnant by yet another rocker), Jessica Alba (naturally), Salma Hayek (veteran MILF hottie), Ciara (still don't know who she is, still lust her), Emma Roberts (getting toward sextastic levels), Gwynneth Paltrow (I don't like her, but I'd tap that... nevermind), Christina Hendricks (busty and delicious), Penelope Cruz (en fuego MILF), Blake Lively (the newest hottest ginger), Sofia Vergara (the maker of wanton dreams), Lea Michele (Glee petite sweet), Dianna Agron (mo' mo' Glee hottie), Gisele Bundchen (belongs on every hottie list), and Zoe Saldana (one of my secret lust crushes).

Wow. If you remove all the hotties from that list and add my grandma, you have my most recent birthday party E-vite YES list. Enjoy.