Just because Valentine’s is over doesn’t mean Victoria’s Secret isn’t still churning at 110% in the pimping of tiny bits of clothing for women with stellar bodies. They’ve just now put out their crazy hot swim catalogue so that women everywhere can dream and men everywhere can dream even bigger.
Candice Swanepoel, Lily Aldridge, Lais Ribeiro, and Behati Prinsloo provide the wettest of sextastic bikini dreams in this smoking hot but highly moisturized catalogue of international female form goodness. You can’t see these pictures and not currently be booking your warm weather vacation. Or perhaps just considering perching outside the window of one of the Victoria’s Secret bedroom windows in a parka with a thermos full of schnapps prepared to dig in for the long winter. I choose both. Just to double my chances of winning. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
If you thought Victoria’s Secret was giving up. Think again. With just eleven days to go until one of their biggest holidays o the year, they are turning on the sextastic after burners with the likes of uber-hotties Candice Swanepoel and Behati Prinsloo barely dressed in Valentine’s themed bras and panties, or no bras at all. Panties you may remove with your mind.
Let’s be honest, they’re not playing fair. But you need to maintain your resolve not to purchase lingerie for your wife, girlfriend, mistress, or office secret lust crush. Obviously, I don’t need to tell your mom or sister, that’s just wrong and you need help. Just blanket the idea with a no-go this holiday. Sure, you may find yourself at 50 Shades of Grey on Valentine’s, but you can always play God of War on low contrast and ask your date to nudge you when Dakota Johnson gets nekkid on screen. It’s worth a shot. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
Oh, man, the final two week stretch before Valentine’s Day. Do not bow to the pressure. Look, but do not buy the lingerie. Though Victoria’s Secret has no desire to make this any easier on you. More and more angels like Candice Swanepoel and her girl friends in their bras and panties almost daily now. Pushing you to buy. Stay strong, brother.
I know this is a big time of year for the lingerie maker. If not the biggest. And I know these international models who wear their little bits of silk and lace are ridiculously hot. But stick to flowers. Maybe some dinner. A teddy bear. You buy her clothes and you will have failed. My next venture is going to be an advice book for guys. It’ll be mostly pictures, because let’s face it, that’s our language. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
Have I mentioned recently how jealous I am of that Maroon 5 dude? C’mon, he could’ve been me. Or I could’ve been him I should say as nobody could be me, even if for some warped and twisted reason they chose to be. But me as a rock star fighting off the Victoria’s Secret girls who desire my hand in holy matrimony and newlywed sex? I could’ve plugged myself right into that diorama without hesitation.
Behati Prinsloo is back in lacy little underthings in Victoria’s Secret. I don’t think she needs the money any more, now she’s just teasing us. I’m not saying you quit your job because you won the lottery, in fact, the only people who ever do survive winning the lottery are those silly souls who stick to their day jobs. But I am quite convinced Behati is now undertaking these show off missions just to drive me insane. It won’t take much more really. I’m sort of standing at the edge of crazy cliff looking down. One more silky shimmer panties and… goodbye cruel sanity. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Victorias Secret
Hello, Hotties. Or should I say, buenos dias, los hotties? Lovely bits of fine female form Behtai Prinsloo and Joan Smalls continued the Victoria’s Secret barrage on the isle of Puerto Rico strutting through the streets shooing a commercial for the lingerie and skimpy clothing line merchandiser.
I can’t imagine the sensation of having these two beauties actually passing by in the street, but I can easily associate with every single synapse in the body firing simultaneously leaving me convulsing into a spastic bit of jelly whilst staring. Complete strangers do offer to help me in these moments, restoring my faith in humanity. We really should judge a society by how they care for their horniest members. And seeing Behati and Joan smiling and prancing, I’m going to need a village. Also, probably, a modesty blanket. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Instagram
Another blessed part of the winter season is watching the Victoria’s Secret girls shipped around from island to island finding various beach backdrops to catalog shoot their derrieres and bikini hot bodies for the big Spring sales upcoming.
The likes, the very very likes, of Behtai Prinsloo, Candice Swanepoel, Lily Aldridge, and Alessandra Ambrosio were showing off their stellar sextastic bikini bodies in Puerto Rico for the first shoot of January. I’m going to to go ahead and say each of these boobtastic heavenly creatures maintained their rigid diets and workout schedules during the holidays. I don’t see an ounce of fat. I do see many ounces of totally passion inducing bikini body awesome. Time to phone my V.S. sales rep and get into my first buys of the season for the shame closet. How can you not look at these girls behinds and not want to buy something? Enjoy.
Photo Credit: INF
Behati Prinsloo sure knows how to sport a bikini. (Celebslam)
Kim Kardashian wears a crop top to Paper Magazine party. (Huffington Post)
Sara Malakul Lane‘s covered naked boob? Yes, please! (Drunken Stepfather)
Yara Khmidan‘s bikini body makes my mouth water. (Hollywood Tuna)
Usher charges his phone from hot naked girl’s vagina. Yup. (TMZ)
Isabeli Fontana in lingerie will melt your eyeballs. (Popoholic)
Is this a pic of Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss making out? Probably not. (Dlisted)