I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buzzfeed, Lorde Loses American Cereal Virginity

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elliot-wolf - January 24, 2018

Imagine making millions from the music industry in America only to never have eaten Cap’n Crunch, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, or Lucky Charms ever in your life. Lorde was lucky enough to have Lena Dunham’s leftovers lying around the apartment to introduce her to two of the greatest cereal selections available for breakfast. It would have been three amazing selections if Lucky Charms’ marshmallows weren’t the same consistency as chalk when chewed. I can just envision Jack Antonoff and Lorde lusting for food and fame in a room filled with marijuana smoke only to settle for some cereal and a sub-standard single that won’t receive more radio play than Royals did.


“So we went to a bodega, got all of these cereals and went back to his house in Brooklyn and did a little lineup of bowls. We tried, like, 20 different kinds of cereal,” she continued, explaining that she still thinks “about Cinnamon Toast Crunch all the time.”

Antonoff’s credibility as a decent American citizen took a hit after dating Dunham. I’m pretty sure all of the other cereals he offered Lorde as suggestions left the same bad taste in your mouth that you would get locking lips with Lena. America’s most hated feminist does have the appearance of someone who tastes like a bowl of Rice Krispies without added sugar.


Photo Credit: Instagram / Splash News

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