Ashley Greene Gets Into Leather for Macy’s Pimping

I can let you all in on a little secret, though Ashley Greene has completely shunned my last 478 letters sent to her requesting anything from erotic foot massages to lost weekends at the Ramada Inn off the turnpike with nothing but a box of chalupas and a bucket of expired condoms. Still, no answer. But this weekend, I finally came up with an offer I know Ashley can not refuse -- my place, the Final Four, and some female basketball star recruiting session roleplaying, where I'm the deviant scout for Tennessee trying to re-create the women's locker room vibe whilst Rocky Top plays in the background. Can not lose.

While I got not direct word back from Ashley Greene yet on my proposal, I'm assuming her hot leather skirt action last night pimping some shizz for Macy's and looking all kinds of cowhide-alicious. Ashley Greene is already one of the hottest women around, throw her in an animal skin and it's really just libido overload time.

Ashley, call me.