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Zombie Committed To Psych Hospital For Eating Braaaiiinnnnsss

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bill-swift - September 11, 2013

A Florida, (natch), court sentenced Tyree Smith to commitment in a mental hospital for acting like an f'ing zombie. Young Tyree was one of a rash of zombie attacks last year. One night he was hungry for braaaiiiinnnnsss and he decided to split a homeless guy's head open and eat the delicious creamy center. They can't really send him to prison as he clearly has a mental handicap, namely, being a brain dead member of the walking dead. This case does bring up some interesting issues: Can you prosecute a zombie? Should you prosecute a zombie? Can zombies be cured?

The answer is no to all of the above. You can't really prosecute a zombie for murder because he isn't really murdering, per se. He is simply trying to feed himself and the only food source available to him is human brains. Therefore spending the money to try and convict them or treat them is a waste of time. Unfortunately, the zombie virus is a terminal disease. The best you can hope for is containment, which is what putting Tyree in a hospital can accomplish. The important thing is to keep him quarantined. The last thing Florida needs is a ward of insane zombies running around. They've already got to deal with Pensacola.

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