Well Huh, The Xbox One S Is Kinda Purty

  Games consoles, you’ve probably noticed, are a lot like pets. They take dumps on the kitchen floor, swipe that bologna sandwich you inadvertently left within reach, scratch your ‘nads with their claws when they’re enthusiastically greeting you, and most important: They’re for life, not just for the holidays.  

A console’s lifespan, natch, depends on its success. And a couple other things, too, like how many goddamn revisions of the same system the company’s going to release. Nintendo are notorious for this. How many different DS models do I own? Four. That’s how many.

Really, it’s surprising that PS4 and Xbox One survived so long in their vanilla forms. But no longer. Feast your wondering eyeballs on the Xbox One S (I’d like to think the S stands for skinny-ass, but it probably doesn’t), the slim (oh…) new model with the freshly-announced release date.

This baby is pretty teeny, considering the size of the fatass original, and hits North America among other regions (but not all) on August 2. Here’s Microsoft with the PRtastic:

'Xbox One S is the most compact Xbox yet, 40 percent smaller than the original Xbox One, and includes a built-in power supply. We also shifted one of the three USB ports and the pairing button to the front of the Xbox One S alongside the newly added IR blaster for increased accessibility.

Beyond the fresh new design, Xbox One S is the first and only console that allows you to watch Blu-ray movies and stream video in stunning 4K Ultra HD with HDR. That means you’ll get to enjoy your favorite shows and movies in the clearest, most realistic video possible. With High Dynamic Range (HDR) support for video and gaming, Xbox One games like Gears of War 4, Forza Horizon 3, and Scalebound will look even better thanks to a higher contrast ratio between lights and darks, bringing out the true visual depth of your favorite games.

Xbox One S also comes bundled with the new Xbox Wireless Controller featuring textured grip, improved Xbox Wireless signal and added Bluetooth support (requires Windows 10 running the Windows Anniversary Update).'

If you want a slice of that, you’ll also need to know that only the most expensive S in launching off the bat, the $399 2TB model. It’ll also come in 1TB ($349) and 500GB ($299) flavors, but Microsoft aren’t telling when those’ll become available. For now, let’s take a closer ogle at the system.