Justin Bieber Posts:

The Justin Bieber and Topless Stripper Photo So Disturbing, I Advise You Not to See It

You'll never guess what happened after Justin Bieber and his buddy hired a hooker! Okay, Internet trolling headline aside, that cliche about not being able to unsee horrors fit this photos of Justin Bieber, his tiny rapper buddy, and a stripper with her top off shared by our friends at WWTDD.

Consider yourself forewarned, which is also forearmed, and also just foretold not to look unless you have a strong stomach. DO NOT LOOK AT THIS PHOTO. Wow, I really should go to work for the Buzzfeed assembly line. Enjoy.

Egotastic! Doll House Theater: Justin Bieber Castration Plot Exposed! (VIDEO)

They Wanted to Give Him a Columbian Castration Neck-Tie!

Only the good die young. The more I hear that phrase, the more I realize just how true it is. Meanwhile, the Devil's Midget will probably live to be 150, or, you know, forever in whatever new tiny form he takes in the future.

Either way, we did pay $7.45  for a set of dolls for our writer Jack Tomas to play with, and while we certainly anticipated some serious nonsense, and perhaps even some kind of cover story explaining how one of the Ken dolls got lodged in his rectum, we never expected Jack to start covering so much hard hitting news with his little friends.

Check out this installment of Egotastic! Doll House Theater and see what really happened in the Justin Bieber castration plot. Enjoy.

Selena Gomez Awakens from Evil Spell; Dumps The Devil’s Midget!

Somebody up there, or, somebody in the head of our belusted Selena Gomez, finally got it right, as Selena called it quits with her teen lesbian boyfriend, due to 'scheduling conflicts', which we can only assume translates to Selena finally becoming tired of hanging out with an annoying, pompous, self-indulgent spoiled little twit with little artistic talent beyond having stylish hair.

Read about the Selena Gomez-Justin Bieber breakup on TMZ.

Bieber Goes Berserker on Pap In Public — Loses His Purple Shoe and Purple Hat!

Here's the thing. You want the bazillions and the houses and the cars and the jets and the screaming fans and the idiotic purple shoes and purple hat, and you're a shrimpy annoying twit from the suburbs, well, great, you've got it, kid. But there are a few small prices to pay. Like having photographers follow you around the shopping mall and getting in your shit. It's a price. It's optional. You can go back to being the runty nerd who got wedgied on the playground, or you can be the mega-rich celebrity superstar. You decide.

But don't go berserker on albeit rude photographers invading your space. Don't start chasing them around shopping mall parking lots in your custom eco-friendly cars. And do not start trying to kick and punch them, because (a) it's going to cost you a small fortune for the feeblest of contact, and (b) you now look like a totally stupid little runty brat with his purple shoe and purple hat on the  ground, your special diamond earring glistening in the sun like a sign from above that you're a special kind of douche.

Justin Bieber suffers from a lack of never getting his ass properly kicked before he became famous.

Selena Gomez Surprises Her Wee Man on the Set of Music Video Shoot in L.A.

Editor's Note: forgive us in advance for photos of the Devil's Midget. There was no way to separate the wheat from the annoyingly chafing in a number of these 'clinging' photos.

I'm not going to lie to you. I'm jealous of a kid half my, well, half my height. How this wee YouTube sensation with the swagger coach and the tween boy designer clothes manages to grab the attention spans of the world's middle school girls, well, that part I get I guess, but how he manages to get to bump uglies with the likes of older teen diva hottie Selena Gomez, that just befuddles me to the point of very angry befuddlement.

On the set of his new music video shooting in downtown L.A. over the weekend, the little lesbian boy performed his rehearsed dance moves and pretended to drive a big boy car for the cameras, whilst the sextastic Selena Gomez surprised him on set with a hottie bear straddle that is just so unfair it makes me want to go out into nature and beat a tree to death with my fists. I don't get it and I don't want to get it. 

Justin Bieber Wants His Privacy, So He Drives an Obnoxious Car That Can Be Seen From Space

Dick.

CAPTION THIS: Justin Bieber Slimed at Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards

(Caption this photo on Egotastic! Facebook and we'll post our favorite responses on the site)

 Of course he kept his mouth open -- Greg

JB made the Hulk happy -- Mike

Guess he knows about truck....look at the load he just took -- different Mike

Why couldn't it be toxic waste -- Andrew.

He has been covered in goo before but it was always Usher's! -- James

 

We're sensing a trend here.