Selena Gomez Is Eighteen in Seventeen Magazine

As much as my heart was pierced by the knife of disappointment earlier this week by barely legal hottie, Selena Gomez, well, I just can't quit her. Even when appearing in girls magazines, there's something about this two-note pop music Latina that just drives me to the brink of wanting to be a better man. Just the brink mind you, no intentions of actually improving. In the new year, we can only hope that Selena Gomez moves from Seventeen magazine to, oh, Playboy magazine, fingers crossed. Suck on that, Bieber! Enjoy.