elliot-wolf - October 26, 2017
Weekends on 2 a.m. when I’m intoxicated at the gentlemen’s club I’ve made a habit of telling the single moms and struggling college students that one day they’re going to be something great. With a smile and twinkle in their eye as they take my tip they often dismiss my slurred speech as wishful thinking that can only come from alcoholism. But for once in my life I have spoken the truth under the influence and in front of a barely clothed woman willing to do almost anything for the right price. Pole dancing is officially considered a sport. I will personally file a discrimination complaint against ESPN if they aren’t included in the top 10 count alongside LeBron. Now is the time for some equality when it comes to sports.
As of early this month, the Global Association of International Sports Federation granted pole dancing “observer status,” meaning it’s officially recognized as a sport! As of early this month, the Global Association of International Sports Federation granted pole dancing “observer status,” meaning it’s officially recognized as a sport! “Observer status is the first step international federations must achieve before becoming full GAISF members, which serves as a great boost for any sport hoping to one day land in the Olympics,” The Washington Post says.
For once women can finally take pride in pole dancing instead of it only being celebrated in the privacy of sketchy clubs. That woman with the C-section scars struggling to feed her five kids was always an athlete. It became apparent after the backflip from the top of the pole to her landing in a split at the bottom of the stage. All in see-through six inch high heels and frilly neon boy shorts. I’ve never seen any gymnast do that. If the world continues to collectively pretend to actually watch curling and other lackluster activities the Olympics consider to be sports, then it’s time pole dancing entered the athletic arena as well. The worst that can come from this is casual male viewership increasing tenfold.