Sam Robeson - October 22, 2018
Ugly ass some of a bitch butthole eyes vampire Pete Davidson and America-hating nymphomaniac Bratz Doll Ariana Grande split up one week ago, and already Davidson is on his post-split bullshit tour. Just like he reported Grande did with his fat druggy dick, Davidson is going to milk this thing for all it's worth.
He appeared alongside Judd Apatow at some unholy diarrhea-inducing charity event called Judd & Pete for America, where he incorporated his failed engagement into his bit. He may no longer get to profusely thank Grande for letting him fuck her brains out, but he is certainly going to capitalize on whatever diseases they swapped back and forth. Pete on being stupid, in front of whatever type of people go to Judd & Pete for America:
So, obviously you know I, we broke up or whatever but when me and her first got engaged we got tattoos. And it was like in a magazine like, 'Was Pete Davidson stupid?' And 93 percent of it said yes. So my boy, he was like, 'Don't listen to that s--t man. They're literally f--king haters.' And I'm like, yeah, f--k that. I'm not stupid. And the other day we were in my kitchen and he was like, 'Yo bro. Turns out you were stupid.'
On no longer living with his meal ticket:
Well, as you could tell, I don't want to be here. There's a lot going on. Does anybody have any open rooms? Looking for a roommate?
On the one time in history getting a tattoo of a significant other's name didn't pan out:
Um, I've been covering a bunch of tattoos, that's fun," Davidson told the crowd. "I'm f--king 0 for 2 in the tattoo [department]. Yeah, I'm afraid to get my mom tattooed on me, that's how bad it is.
And, following Apatow's statement during some tragic bit "I care more about America than Pete's feelings," Pete on his similarity to America:
I feel like I am America. I'm a good guy that just keeps getting kicked in the dick. You're like, 'Ah, that f--king poor kid. Hope he doesn't kill himself.' That's America.
"Hope he doesn't kill himself." That's presumptuous.
Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA