READER FINDS: Miley Cyrus Topless, Nicole Trunfio Sexy Hot, Elsa Pataky Takes A Shower and Much Much More…

 
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It’s time, kids. That once a week we all get together with the parachute and flap it around in various formations because it’s raining outside and our teachers are super lazy. Only this parachute contains a full set of sextastic celebrities in various stage of hotness undress. So much better for kids and adults like. I really should be put in charge of bad weather day activities. I’d really turn things around for the happier.

This week’s Reader Finds includes the delightfully hot Nicole Trunfio barely covering her goodies (thank you to EgoReader ‘Nate’ for his contribution), Emmanuelle Seigner topless and covered in milk for skinematics (sweet find from ‘Franklin’), Linda Fiorentino topless in one mega epic bad movie (Linda hotness reigned hard via ‘Thomas T.’), Marie Jose Crozee in the small screen version of The Hunger (lovely tetas provided by ‘Devon’), Marina Shako topless country cowgirl hotness (outdoorsy funbags delivered by ‘Erica’), more Nicole Trunfio glamour shots, this time topless (topless is hard to beat, thanks ‘Orson’), Elsa Patakay topless perfection in the shower (boobtastic blessings from ‘Romeo’), sextastic Beau Garrett topless see-through au natural naughtiness (love the lean ladies does ‘Fredrick E.’), what appears to be Miley Cyrus topless counting money, seems legit, the money part I mean, and a lovely bit of nip slip from Behati Prinsloo post Oscars (both uncovered by helpful ‘David M.’), Amanda Seyfried crazy hot classic shoot (Nordic princess poses via ‘Scott’), and Emily Browning lingerie topless bondage (these only get better, thanks ‘Stephen R.’). I’d recommend perusing this all during your next yard break. You’ll be the hit of Cell Block D. Enjoy.

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Kim Kardashian Latex Covered Lady Curves Dine With Madonna

When Kim Kardashian and Madonna get together for a little chow time in London, you can bet there’s going to be latex, fur, and nylons. And that’s just on the sex dolls they bring along with them in the cabs.

The two mega stars, both famous in their own way for their brazen sexuality, one with a number of number one hits as a kicker, were absolutely going to make sure they got noticed by the British paparazzi in their finest of wares. Kim’s plastic skin tight dress was something straight out of the comic books, well, the comic books you’d hide underneath your mattress. And Madonna, well, just the fact she can walk after her big stage tumble the other night is something of a miracle. She holds her own when given a little prep time. Unlike as many had predicted, the world did not end when these two got together. Albeit Kim’s globes did look about ready to explode. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: INF/FameFlynet

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: ‘Assassin’s Creed’ and its Leaps of Faith will ‘Freaking Kill You,’ Says Science

Assassin's Creed Leap Science

Have you ever wondered why men have lower life expectancies than women? There’s probably some convoluted biological, sociological, zoological, cosmological BS at work there too, but the biggest factor? Because we do so much dumb shit, that’s why.

These guys right here? They’re the reason. Inspired use of flip flops, granted, but still.

Death-defying renegade badasses that we are, there are some stunts that even the staunchest Jackass fans shouldn’t attempt. In the world of video games, there are none more studly –and limb-endangering– than Assassin’s Creed’s leaps of faith.

You know the deal: our free-roaming hero cruises to the top of a building, pauses for a little fancy-ass slow motion pose, and jumps. Height isn’t a factor; as long as you land in one of the game’s many conveniently-placed haystacks, you’ll be completely unharmed.

But as we know, the real world isn’t nearly as fun as that. The University of Leicester’s science dudes are here to tell us that, nope, that’s not happening.

On what must have been a slow day in the Merry Old England learnatorium, physics students have written a paper titled ‘Falling Into Straw.’ It explains that this hay business is a viable technique, but not from the heights seen in the games. Nerdly knowledge after the jump.
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Julia Almendra Gets Soaking Wet and Topless In White Lace (Prepare to Fall Deep in Lust)

 
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How much do I lust crazy hot blonde German fashion models pouring water over their barely clad bodies? I can’t count that high. Not with my shoes on. Suffice it to say Julia Almendra is absolutely stunning with a capital ‘Me Want!’ in this LookBook set of photos highlighting her diaphanous hotness.

Someday, I imagine I’ll be ambling along a beach side path and come across a smoking hot blonde model with epic melons just shimmering perfect in the sunlight. It’s probably the last you’ll ever hear of me. Either she’ll accept my proposal and we’ll set sail on a raft that very afternoon or I’ve died and gone to heaven. Julia, you are absolutely killing me, kindly, softly, but most definitely sternly, you Germanic vision of passion. I want to look away, but I simply can’t. Such is her power and/or my weakness. Well done, Julia. That body, damn. Bye. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Henrik Purienne Photographs The LookBook For Jens Pirate Booty

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Zoe Kravitz Bikini Top Beauty for Ocean Drive

Consider me a big Zoe Kravitz fan. I’m not sure why this minxy occasionally seen in public second generation lust inducer moves me so, I try not to question the riddle that is primal passion. The heart wants what the heart wants. And the lower heart, well, it’s never happy until it get what it wants.

Featured in a bikini top in the latest and greatest edition of Ocean Drive magazine, Zoe Kravitz gives a little attitude and a little skin and runs with it in a simple, but telling photo shoot. I think mostly she’s telling me I have no chance, but fair enough, I love a challenge. How crazy hard would life be if every woman I desired just gave themselves to me. Yep, that would be absolutely brutal. Zoe, I’m sending you the video I made of myself doing pushups. You only see the first three, but trust me, it goes on for like 30 minute more. Be my girl. Ditch the bikini. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Ocean Drive Magazine

Gigi Hadid See Through Dress En Fuego In Vogue

Continuing with our theme of see-through clothing on hot chicks, here is Gigi Hadid wearing a see-through dress for Vogue Spain. Gigi is one of the current “it” girls and it’s easy to see why. She’s eight shades of friggin’ sexy. She’s got a perfect pair of boobs. If Goldilocks were a horny lesbian instead of a sneaky porridge thief, Gigi’s boobs would be the ones she would pick because they’re not too small or too big but just right. They have a high, what I like to call, motorboatability. In other words, do I feel the irresistible urge to put my face in between them and vigorously motorboat them? The answer is a decided yes to that.

Gigi has also got a dynamite pair of legs. Oh, that Santa Claus brings me one thing I ask for this year and brings me Gigi to wrap her legs around me. I would give her the best three minutes of her life.

Photo Credit: Vogue Spain

 

Maitland Ward Wears A See Through Bodysuit For A Photoshoot

Ah, Maitland Ward. There are so many things about you that I love. Your red hair, your lust for life, but mainly I love the fact that you don’t like wearing clothes. Like, at all. In these pics Maitland is wearing a completely clear bodysuit and, were it not for her strategically placed hands, you could see her in all her nekkid glory. Maitland has an extraordinary pair of funbags. They are of the big and natural variety which just so happens to be my favorite. She’s also got an impressive booty that I personally would find irresistible. I would, before I die, like to give it a good-hearted smack. Not hard, just hard enough.

There is a long standing debate as for the difference between a ginger and a redhead. Maitland is a redhead. Basically the difference is a redhead is someone you want to eff. A ginger is someone you want to do your taxes.

Photo Credit: Splash