Tetyana Veryovkina Bikini Bodies Her Way to Serious Contention in Miami

Tetyana Veryovkina definitely wants in on the Egotastic best bikini body in Miami contest this winter. It must be something to do with the grand prize package ranging from five million dollars up to a date with yours truly minus the five million dollars. It’s kind of driving the competition frenzy along the South Florida shoreline at the moment.

Tetyana brought her seriously hot female form ready for competition as she pranced and preened along the beachfront, letting everybody know that it doesn’t matter if they have trouble pronouncing her name, they will memorize her curves in very short order. Tetyana is quite the sturdy contender. I’ll be taking measurements and weighing her in later purely by touch and feel. I believe that’s still a legal hiring process in this country. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash News

Khloe Kardashian’s Big Booty In A Leather Skirt

There are eternal questions that mankind has pondered for generations: who are we? Why are we here? Which Kardashian/Jenner has the best butt? For my money, and I know this is controversial, the title of the ultimate Kardashian booty goes to Khloe Kardashian. It looks especially magnificent in this tight black leather skirt. These K & J gals are great because they’ll put on provocative outfits just to go fill up their car. I’m surprised the heat of her booty didn’t ignite the gasoline fumes. Booty heat is just as dangerous as static electricity at the pump. I do so love Khloe’s booty. How much? I’m going to write a booty haiku.

Khloe Kardashian,

Your booty is better than

Kim’s, the wind blows through.

Photo Credit: GSI / Splash News / FameFlyNet / PCN

Naomi Campbell Sexy Lingerie Shoot for Agent Provocateur

Ah, Naomi Campbell. I have been a big fan of this lovely lady and her tig ‘ol bitties since I was in junior high and believe me that was a loooong time ago. But she still looks amazing. She is the very definition of keeping it tight. In these pics, she’s sporting several provocative lingerie ensembles. Naomi has got some ridiculously incredible legs. They are so long and lean. I imagine having those bad boys wrapped around you in heavenly. Naomi’s booty is outstanding as well. I would like to wear it as a hat. Her thumper is at the same time tight and curvy. I very much likey.

I remember watching Naomi writhe around nekkid in the George Michael Freedom 90 video. If you haven’t seen that video in a while I suggest you YouTube it for some classic hot lady party.

Photo Credit: Agent Provocateur

Alexis Ren Could Not Be Hotter or More Barely Legal

I stand accused of finding Alexis Ren to be just out of this universe in the hotness department. This blonde native L.A. model has twisted my insides and untwisted by outsides since the day I first laid peeps upon her. And, now, well, now Alexis is eighteen and I’ve got some things to say about Alexis in this uber sextastic Mitch Tomlinson photoshoot.

Things like, Alexis, might I inspect your navel for a couple hours while blindfolded. Consider it an ancient Inuit getting to know each other tradition prior to me making many many babies with you. I don’t necessarily want to raise the children, but we can find them good homes in celebrity domiciles while we proceed to make more. We shall be fruitful and multiple and not wear any clothing for the next decade or so as we go about our sacred mission of planting and reaping and repeating. Damn, you look so good. I would give up gluten for you. But, please, don’t make me. If we’re to create many miracles in many positions, I’m going to need some pizza. I think I just cried. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Mitch Tomlinson

Alice Goodwin Is Your Hot Brunette Fantasy Girl, Go On, Admit Your Naughitness!

 
CLICK TO SEE UNCENSORED

Sometimes I’m shouting at you, but I’m really shouting at myself. That’s why my shrink the esteemed Dr. Wilcox-Spangler told me recently in session. So, perhaps Alice Goodwin is my hot brunette fantasy girl and I’m the naughty one. It certainly seems within the realm of possibility. I do happen to love beautiful women with raven hair and jugs that could contain me like the happiest prisoner on earth.

Feature in the Zoo Magazine hottest brunettes list, Alice Goodwin continues a relatively long and hallowed career of making men feel like a man and women feel just a little bit more like a horny Ellen Page than they might otherwise. Oh, Alice, why would Mother Nature even invent such a bodacious bosomed passion inducing hottie named Alice except to tease the heck out of the rest of us? I have no answers, just eyeballs blowing out like Bluto. Alice Goodwin, you move my soul. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Zoo Magazine

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Lindsay Lohan and Sister Ali Lohan Leggy Lovelies at LOVE Magazine Christmas Party in London

It wouldn’t really be Christmas without Lindsay Lohan and her ample chest making an appearance at some Yuletide fiestas. Lindsay and her little sister Ali Lohan cleaned up rather nicely for the Love magazine Christmas party in London town last night. Now, I wasn’t invited to that event, but Big Joe from the smoked meats store down the block here told me to come by for eggnog and brisket next Monday. No need to clean up for that.

Lindsay Lohan has been starring in a legit theater production in England the past several months. The reviews have been not so surprisingly not super positive. Yet, we haven’t heard or seen of Lindsay falling down in the street since she started her new gig. And with family by her side, at least, family that hasn’t tried to ruin her in the past, perhaps she’s back on track to being the ginger topped racktastic lovely of our previous not super distant ago dreams. She has the shape working. If she can just hold back on that sauce. Here’s to hoping for a healthy showy Lindsay in 2015. And Little Sis too, naturally. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlyNet / GSI / Splash News

Andrea Torres Wicked Hot Filipina Bikini Dreams in FHM

Mmm, a silent and vocal mmm both for Filipina hottie Andrea Torres, the model and actress who lights up FHM Phillippines this month with some bikini top shots and swimsuit poses that are downright upright if you happen to be in mad lust with sextastic minxy island girls. And I’m guessing you are.

One of my annual goals, New Year’s resolutions if you will, is to expand the global sweet lady finding radar of Egotastic! to find even more ridiculously fine women in nations not always on the common celebrity smoking hot list. I think I’ve done okay, but in 2015 I intend to do even better. As my sixth grade teacher Mr. Ropesburger pointed out to me, son, you’re getting C’s when I know if you apply yourself you could be a B-minus student. There is always room for improvement. If that means flying to Manila and launching a scout team to find every famous hot pinay within a radius of 500 miles, off I go. This is my quest. Obviously, it’ll have to be on a non-football weekend, but other than that, my bags are packed. Andrea Torres, you have inspired me thusly. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FHM Magazine