Behati Prinsloo Bikini White Hotness Shooting in Malibu for Especially Strong Beach Tingles

Behati Prinsloo may have married what's his face and broken my heart just a little, but she's still my favorite Namibian sextastic celebrity in the entire Namibian sextastic celebrity universe, very much including her heavenly hot work with Victoria's Secret and other lingerie and bikini wear lines. She's lean and slender and au natural and possibly could use a sandwich, but I'm still digging heavily on her inherent hotness, killer smile, and a lithesome body that I'd like to lie some next to, if you know what I'm saying.

Naturally, I've become all-too accustomed to these repeated blows of seeing my belusted hotties marry some more famous, wealthier, lucky bastard with amazing hair. The hurt never goes away but I suppose all the scarring leaves the flesh a little tougher for the process. Behati, please, hurt me right someday. Enjoy.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Cleavage Pimping Coca Cola in London

We haven't seen much of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley of late. Granted, she needs to slip some mickeys into Jason Statham's milk just to get free of his benevolently possessive grasp, but we sure do miss this lithesome Britty supermodel and her body of pure perfection. Rosie was out in London pimping something to do with Coca-Cola, which I'm going to guess based on the looks of her long lean and lovely form is not something she consumes in mass quantities herself.

For the professional endeavor, Rosie went deep low cut on the frontside, revealing a healthy amount of her healthy hand warmers nearly dangling out of her dress. I'd like to buy the world a Coke, but I'd like to purchase five minutes of Rosie in the broom closet time just for myself. Oh, the giggling we would get up to. Followed by a series of not so manly plaintive wails. I am very vocal. Rosie, just pretend it's the sounds of nature and let's delight in our few minutes together as primitive beasts in the field. Enjoy.

Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Conan O’Brien Builds a Billion-Dollar ‘Minecraft’ Strip Club (VIDEO)

Whacked- Conan O'Brien Minecraft
Game guru Conan is at it again.

2.5 billion dollars, gentlemen. Holy man-plums.

It’d take the whole Kardashian tribe a good... seven minutes to burn through a sum like that. Five, if Kanye’s in town helicopter shopping. He needs something spacious to take his dickish ego the size of Albuquerque for a ride, after all. He’s good for it, too, those shitty man-scarves he used to sell cost a fortune.

Anywho, yes. This week, Microsoft bought Mojang (creators of the all-conquering Minecraft) for that very amount. Even for Bill’s Boys, that’s not just pocket change. But what does this mean for gamers?

Well, you could ask businessweek. We’re sure they’ll give you some tech-tastic prattle on the subject, with phrases like ‘stock faltering’ and ‘burgeoning portfolios’ in. But who the hell wants that kind of BS on a Friday morning? Nobody, that’s who. Instead, here’s Conan O’Brien getting his piss-takery on, as only Conan can.

After all, if your answer to the question what would you do with 2.5 billion dollars isn’t 'build a strip club,' it’s the wrong answer.

Conan sure does love his strip club-based gaming humor.

J-Lo in Jeans, Yep, It’s Still Working

I suppose there comes a day for every woman when men no longer crank their necks to peek at their booties in jeans. That day is still a good way's off for Jennifer Lopez. One of the original jean bottom filling pop divas, twenty years later J-Lo is still working her derriere into a pair of form fitting jeans with the best of the MILFs on the streets of Manhattan.

While the sextastic celebrities we follow work themselves into thousand of complicated designer outfits and haute couture, there may be no better measure of their enduring ogling worthy success than how they look in a simple pair of jeans. Okay, maybe not the $35 pairs I buy, but just plain old jeans nonetheless. Jennifer, you can work my ranch girl fantasy-scape anyday. Let's go rope them doggies and spend an evening under the stars with me convincing you to get out of that denim. I've got the Willie Nelson mix tape all ready to go to enhance the mood. Enjoy.

READER FINDS: Michelle Monaghan Topless, Kate Upton Bikini Bouncy, Shailene Woodley Topless and Much Much More…

 

As I stare into the large regal purple velvet pouch that contains our Reader Finds contributions for the week, I'm thinking about how explorers like Lewis and Clark must have felt when they first laid eyes upon the Pacific Ocean. If they did. I can't remember, they saw something I know. Each week for me is like a grand discovery, rising over the hillside to the sight of some glorious celebrity skin that will blow my freaking mind and also happens to smell a little briny. I love this moment each week.

This week's Reader Finds includes Jessica Alba wicked hot and sextastic on the big screen (thank you kindly to EgoReader 'Ian'), Alyssa Arce censored and uncensored topless peeks (kudos to generous 'Andy'), Charlotte McKinney so damn hot and covered topless (blonde goodies courtesy of 'Stan the Man'), Severina Vuckovic from what I'm told is a controversial sex tape (smoking hot mamas provided by 'Denny'), Cora Keegan udderly nekkid and fine (loves me some Cora, thanks 'Doc'), Katy Perry cleavetastic delights (cockteasery via 'Angelo'), Catherine Bell in her hotness prime (delightful and lovelies from 'Steven H.'), Juliana Schalch topless on the Latin TV screen (ay carambas delivered by 'Amy Louise'), Jelena Rakocevic topless in her skinematic turn (international yams packed by 'Peter'), Elizabeth Berridge classic topless silver screens (funbags funded by 'Owen'), Audrey Tatou delightfully topless in some Frenchie flick (she really is a blessing, thanks to 'Doug G.'), Lindsay Lohan from her might much finer days in GQ (oh, the former sextastic that was Lilo, thanks 'Timothy'), Kim Kardashian cleavy madness in Details (one of her finest works ever dropped off by 'Matty'), Emily Browning quite nekkid like in Sleeping Beauty (who can sleep with so many ta's, thanks 'Deeter'), Shailene Woodley further topless shots from her new indie (cups of joy via 'Darren'), Rose Leslie bikini and lingerie fun time (a Rose by any other name, mixed in by 'Barry D.'), Michelle Monaghan topless in her recent film venture (especially nice puppies provided by 'Yaz'), another peek at Kim Kardashian, this time in lingerie (keeping up with the ta's thanks to 'Saunders'), Kate Upton antarctic bikini outtakes (floppy icy cold Upton tubes from 'Gary'), Tara Buckman topless and then some (ooh la la's gifted by 'Gina'), Nishi Munshi from her Californication reveals (oh, memories of mammaries by 'Frank'), and last, but not least, topless model hottie Eniko Mihalik who always keeps it classy (as does contributor 'Les'). It's a ton, but you can do this, I know you can. Enjoy.

Courtney Stodden Boobs A’Plenty Hanging Out at L.A. Art Show

Courtney Stodden doesn't do anything little. Maybe cheap, but never little. The now twenty year old reunited with her grandfatherly spouse took her turn on the exhibitionist stage last night at an L.A. showing of some pop visual artist who is super famous but I've never heard of, but I do know about all Courtney's funbags. Take that as the ultimate sign of my cultural awareness.

Even before Courtney got her publicly promoted inflatables, she was always wearing deep dropping tops and showing off her teenaged twosome. Now with her new extra special sizing, those babies are barely contained in her evening wear, day wear, and presumably boudoir fashions. Oh, sure, you could call her obvious. But, obviously I'm staring. Which is why I never call anybody names, unless they really really deserve it. Enjoy.

Kaitlynn Carter Shows Off Her Legs At The Grocery Store

Brody Jenner's girlfriend Kaitlynn Carter was giving the world the leg show while grocery shopping in LA. She was sporting a pair of jean short shorts that exposed most of her legs and thighs. She's pretty tall so she's got some nice long stems with nary a dimple or blemish. I'm not sure how these women get through life without a scar or a mark on their legs. Maybe they sleep in a hyperbaric chamber. Whatever it is it's working. She also had a crop top shirt which showed some lovely bare-midriff. Kaitlynn has a nice flat stomach and should seriously consider only wearing crop top shirts from now on. She lives in LA where the weather is always nice so she can totally get away with it.

That Brody Jenner is one lucky guy. Some people have all the luck: rich, famous, hot sisters, weird dad, AND sexy girlfriend. Spread the wealth, man.