josh-j - February 24, 2016
In an upcoming book entitled, Hitler's Last Day: Minute by Minute, historians confirm that Hitler was in possession of a tiny "micropenis." The Führer suffered from hypospadias wherein testicles fails to descend during puberty, and "often the sufferer has to urinate out of a hole at the base or underside of the shaft, rather than the tip." You can't just whip that out at Giants Stadium in the urinals. Try the stalls.
Because God has a way of evening things out, Hitler also suffered from impotency. His personal doctor used to continuously feed him hormones and cocaine to help overcome his lack of amorous desires. Imagine all the nights Eva Braun cried herself to sleep. Combine the rage of micropenis with the spare time that comes with no sex drive, and you can get an awful lot done. See: History.
Broken baby penis explains a lot about how Hitler moved from art student to fascist dictator and genocidal maniac. Someone had to pay. It's a measure of our progress that if Hitler were alive today with the same problems he'd just be an asshole boss and scream at his wife and kids when he got home. Before the divorce and leasing the steel blue Porsche. Beware of people declaring themselves the Master Race. Major small dick syndrome tell.
Photo credit: Erick Morales/YouTube
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