bill-swift - March 24, 2012
Hipsters are the biggest threat to the continuation of Western civilization. Some would disagree and say that Snooki or Kim Kardashian are the death knell of society as we know it. While they certainly are the cultural equivalent of a rectal exam, their ultimate impact will be negligible. Where I live in New York, I see more and more hipsters every day. I don't know if they are shipped en mass from whatever upper-middle class suburb they come from or if they sprout from pods like the facehuggers from Alien. It is a fact, (that I just made up), that they now outnumber the rats, roaches, and C.H.U.D.s of this great metropolis. As Americans, it's time we took back our coffee shops and vintage t-shirts.
What's so bad about some pretentious kids? For one thing, they killed irony. Almost every action a hipster does is for the sake of irony. They might, for example, wear an Iron Maiden t-shirt or throw a Bill Cosby ugly t-shirt party ironically. The thing is, if everything is ironic then nothing is ironic.
According to ol' Noah Webster, irony is "an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected". If everything is done in irony, then there is nothing to be contrary about. Also, because their "art" also tends to refer back to something in pop culture history, art cannot progress. You are stuck inside and infinite loop of crappy pretentiousness.
Just say no. Don't wear ironic t-shirts, don't join a kickball league, say no to skinny jeans and Jeggins...(unless you are a hot girl in which you should totally wear Jeggins). It's the only way we can preserve 6,000 years of human civilization. If not we'll be trapped into listening to crappy indie bands and watching pretentious French films forever.
Article By Jack Tomas
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