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Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: If ‘The Sims’ Made Porn

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chris-littlechild - January 3, 2015

Video games don't do the whole sex thing very well. Remember ol' General George's huge pixelated erection in Custer's Revenge? That business with the top-heavy Native American woman tied to the cactus? Only the horniest horn-dog could find that sexy.

That was back in 1982, and the situation hasn't improved all that much since. When Kratos and Aphrodite played hide the sausage in the goddess's bedchamber in God of War 3, it was awkward as hell. Fixed discrete camera angles on that pot by the bed, QTE button prompts to thrust, it was just bad.

Damn it, video games. Can't you try, just once, to get your porn on properly? One piss-poor plot involving housewives unable to pay repair dudes for their services, a shit double entendre or two about said dude's ‘big tool,' that's all we ask. Would it kill you? Especially you, The Sims. What's all this BS about woohooing and pixelated genitalia? That's not sex at all.

Youtuber PrettyGrumpyBear hears our cries, and has created The Weirdest Porn Ever (tm) with the aid of The Sims 4 cheats. It features nekkid people with bathtub heads, anti-gravity sexual positions and pissing on the lawn. Obviously, that's something we can all get on board with, and you can check it out in action after the jump.

Via Kotaku.

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