Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman See Through Dress to the Rootie Tootie Booty on the Cannes Red Carpet

Oh, Natalie Portman, even though you’ve moved to France and married a ballet dancer and had a baby and sworn off nekkid movie roles and lost too much weight, how can I not stare at your bum on the carpet at Cannes when you’re wearing a see-through dress? That’s kind of rhetorical. I’ve been watching here for twenty minutes now. Natalie was once of great interest to me, her body most especially. And though she’s flown off our radar, impure feelings die slowly. Mine still burn. Seeing Natalie’s tush makes them burn a little more hot and all ember like.

Natalie, there is still time to salvage our one way feelings of lust and passion. First, a few sandwiches. I must insist. Second, we never ever speak of the ballet or men in tights or dancing on tiptoes ever again. You can keep the kid, but I’m going to need her or him with grandma during our Tuesday, Wednesday, and every other Friday sloppy but tender making of the sexy sessions that will run into the morning. No child should be forced to see that, or worse, hear it. Natalie, this see-through number is a good start. It’s a signal. Now, take the next step. You can go home again. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash/INF

READER FINDS: ScarJo and Natalie Portman Twin Hotties, Leelee Sobieski Topless, Emma Frain Beach Sextacular, and Much Much More…

Click To See uncensored

Overture, hit the lights, this is it, Reader Finds. The most sacred time of our weekly get-togethers here in the tent of the titillating where we gather to not discuss our feelings and not share our thoughts on pressing social matters, but instead STFU and ogle incredible sextastic celebrities. It’s how peace will spread across this entire planet one day, I’m quite convinced.

This week’s Reader Finds includes Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman when they were the hottest duet in photos (thank you, EgoReader ‘Benjamin’), Naomi Watts young and topless (me oh my provided by ‘Nathan R.’), Merritt Patterson topless in a barn (why not, via ‘Rosalie’), Leelee Sobieski topless for one brief shining moment (oh, the mammaries, from ‘David T.’), Jamie Lee Curtis sextastic 80′s styling (lovely visions of yesteryear from ‘Gary E.’), shots of the frolicking Gabriella Wilde in Endless Lust, err, Love (some eye openers courtesy of ‘Anders’), Erika Garcia drop dead Latina sextastic in the Mexican Bunny mag (en fuego tetas dropped off by ‘Francis’), Emma Frain, my belusted topless beach hottie (presented graciously by ‘Yvette’), the inspiring Elyse Taylor topless for Purple (be still my lower heart, thanks to ‘Evan’), Eliza Dushku hot promo photos from Dollhouse (kudos to ‘Jackie J.’ for this bit of awesome), Beverly D’Angelo topless in her best role ever (funny funbags via ‘Devon E.’), Anne Hathaway topless in her earlier work (oh, daring Anne, how you do own me, thanks ‘Green’), Amanda Palmer topless performance onstage (protest turns visual wonderment via ‘Owen’), and last, but not least, lingerie model Alexa Grace gracing us with her goodies (silky dreams gifted by ‘Omar R.’). Thank you one and all for your blessed contributions to the betterment of mankind. Enjoy.

Natalie Portman Bare Booty, Amanda Seyfried Topless, Mary Louise Parker Nekkid Fill the Mr. Skin Minute (VIDEO)

Mr. Skin Minute Topless Screencaps for November 8, 2013
Click to See Uncensored

You know the very minute the guys invented the motion picture camera they were thinking only one thing. Let’s go find some hot chicks to film. And when they discovered that these hot women had a strong interesting in seeing themselves visually recorded, well, that’s when they knew they had created something genius. Our friends at Mr. Skin are merely the evolution of those early days in cinema, cutting off all the fat to get to get to the meat, the good stuff, the hot skin on film.

This week’s Mr. Skin Minute includes Natalie Portman not the least bit nekkid in Thor, but quite body and booty revealing in Hotel Chevalier, Amanda Seyfried topless as a porn star in Lovelace, now on Blu-Ray, and also out on hi-def home theater viewing, the entire collection of the TV Series Weeds, which among other wickedly hot topless moments has brought us numerous epic scenes of star Mary Louise Parker baring all her goodies in character. Quite the viewing. Enjoy.

(Do not hate yourself in the morning by neglecting to get your Ego-discounted membership to Mr.

Check Out the Uncensored Mr. Skin Minute Video »

Natalie Portman Cleavetastic at Texas-Baylor Football Game Walkabout

Our belusted Hebrew School Hottie, Natalie Portman has been down Texas way making her post-MILFtastic transformation film comeback, and took a break from shooting, though not from her new blonde hair and big mommy boobs exhibition, to take a walk around the Texas-Baylor football game this weekend.

As for the game itself, Texas managed to outlast Baylor 56-50 in a wildly offensive game. My thoughts of Natalie Portman so cleavetastic are equally offensive, and I assure you, I will not outlast much longer.

Oh, Natalie, you are going to make many men feel dirty good. Enjoy.

Natalie Portman As a Blonde Busty Bombshell? Yep, This Could Work

Playing the heart of a love triangle in the heart of the Texas music scene in an untitled Terrence Malick film project, Natalie Portman has made a reappearance in the film world post-baby that is mammarable, to say the least.

Mommyhood has been good to our belusted Natalie in at least one, err, two very nice areas. Combined with a push-up bra, her new funbags appear thrice the size of anything we’ve seen by way of Portman pontoons in the past. Throw in the blonde locks and the trashy Texas bargirl look, and we might just be willing (and or begging) to make baby number deuce with the Hebrew School hottie.

Natalie Portman with boobs. This could be a deadly combination. Enjoy.

Natalie Portman Covered Topless in Dior Ad Reminds Us That We Miss the Shit out of Natalie Portman

Our Hebrew School Hotties list is just a little bit empty without regular appearances from our former Black Swan, Natalie Portman. Ever since she got babied up and married to her just-has-to-be-gay-ballet-dancer husband, she’s really disappeared from the sextastic celebrity scene. A real loss too.

In a new ad released by Dior, we get a tease of all good things past, and, what we can only hope is even better things to come, from Natalie as she lay covered topless across a sofa selling the brand name stank.

Come back to us, Natalie. Where you belong. In our arms. Mostly to entirely nekkid. Meowing like a kitty cat  (okay, that last part is mostly just a personal fantasy type add-on, but grant us this indulgence). Enjoy.

READER FINDS: Natalie Portman Classic Topless, Evangeline Lilly Stellar Sexy, Elisabetta Canalis Gotcha Topless, And Much Much More…

Elisabetta Canalis Topless in Tabloid
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As a child I visited the Milwaukee zoo and came upon a scene of complete frenzy as a long suffering male chimp had gotten hold of a handbag of a zoo visitor and was banging the copulation shizz out of that purse like his life depended on it. I’ll never forget the look on the face of that chimp as he rabbit humped that Gucci knockoff, pure primordial bliss.

That’s the look I have on my face each and every week as I peruse the wonderments delivered to our doorstep by our faithful and fastidious Internet browsing readers. The men and women of our virtual army of the sextastic who deliver their discoveries into the communal pot each week our Friday rendition of Stone Soup, a.k.a, Reader Finds.

This weeks amalgamation of the awesomely hot includes TOWIE Maria Fowler topless, Rosario Dawson in a sexy dark photoshoot, sadly rarely photographed Lost hottie Evangeline Lilly in her own wicked photo shoot, newcomer Nicole Neal topless in Nuts, late night cable topless queen Shannon Whirry in a collection of her best, the big chest of Jack Osbourne baby mama Lisa Stelly, Natalie Portman in her infamous topless beach photos from 2000, Gisele Bundchen cover worthy asstastic, Lea Michele poking through braless, a double shot of the double tops of Swedish model Johanna Lundback, Rachael Finch nip slip, Elisabetta Canalis topless in a tabloid pic, and the early model card headshots of sextastic models Candice Swanepoel, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Miranda Kerr, and Daisy Lowe and gloriously hot South African Tanit Phoenix looking most definitely topless in a new music video. It’s a mouthful!

See All the Raunchy Reader Finds »