Gwyneth Paltrow

READER FINDS: Teri Hatcher Bare Boobtastic, Zippora Seven Topless, Gwyneth Paltrow Topless, and Much Much More…

 

We have reached the pinnacle of our weekly existence, that time we ask ourselves the all important question, hey, what the heck is in the email bag this week? Well, it's important to me. I know I'd miss this tradition if it ever ended. Sort of like picking beets with my Aunt Helen every fall, though I'm pretty sure I don't have an Aunt Helen and those things in the basement were not beets. Nevertheless, I cherish this particularly weekly custom for it brings me closer to you, you to me, and in a way where nobody gets Ebola or has to lie to their significant other. I do so love the weekly Reader Finds.

(Credits and listings to follow shortly, I really do just need a couple beers, promise...)

Gwyneth And I Can Finally Stop Hiding Our Love

As you know, I have a thing for super high maintenance women who love to talk nonstop and confidently assert their opinions on everything under the sun. Dream date. So you might see a man like me falling hard for a woman like Gwyneth Paltrow. And in the reverse, you might find Gwyneth trying to get back at an uncaring rock star husband who lives life on the road by doing all sorts of dangerous and perverse acts with a man like me who revels in debauchery and has pre-plastic lined furnishings in his home.

Does that mean that Gwyneth and I were tangled in a coital knot of sweat and self-righteousness even before today's announcement that she was leaving Chris Martin? I have no comment. Send all inquiries to the amazing castle with splendid pool and spa Gwyneth and I shall be hiding in for the next seven days in Morocco. Also, if somebody could look out for Apple and that other one, that'd be great. Thanks.

You can read more about the Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin pending divorce on WWTDD.

Gwyneth Paltrow Looked Good Winning an Award for Something German

I'm not sure exactly what the award season occasion was, but it was in Germany and everybody was dressed up and I have to admit Gwyneth Paltrow looked like a million bucks taking home a statue for something. Whatever it is she's doing as part of her youthful regimen, I'd suggest a lot more people start following it as the 41-year old just keeps on keeping on winning red carpets and dressy up occasions.

I suppose it's something in the bottled water she drinks. Nevertheless, I'm sticking with beer. I don't need to look that fine in a tight gown. Enjoy.

Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Pictures Show Off a Hot-Bodied Mom in Hawaii

Of course, if you're a man especially, you probably have no particular love lost for Gwyneth Paltrow. She can say and do some pretty infuriating things that are hard for the simple male mind to wrap its head around. That last comment was really mostly about myself. She seems a tad bit pretentious. But when it comes to her colonic cleansers and high-end workout advice, I suppose you have to give Gwyneth some serious 'scoreboard' type credit just ogling her now 40-something bikini body in Hawaii. Whatever she's doing for herself is clearly working.

We follow so many veteran hotties in these parts it's easy to believe that there are tons of moms in their 40's out there that can look amazing in a bikini. There aren't. So, let's give some credit where it's due. I'm not sure how kind Gwyneth is to her plumbing with all her juicing and detoxing and wheatgrass consuming, but she is looking amazingly solid in her two piece along the beach. That's where it counts, for me. Enjoy.

Gwyneth Paltrow Braless for Hugo Boss Pimping

Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly getting paid millions for her new Hugo Boss promotional campaign, so why not take off your bra for the shoot, even if you tend to be on the demure side. I guess that was a rhetorical question as you can see herein Gwyneth did just that, removing her undergarments for a more sextastic 40-something pimping of a perfume or a jacket or something I'm certain they don't sell at the Target store where I do 99% of all my shopping.

I know they don't see Paltrow boobs there, though I suppose if Gwyneth could make a few bucks selling candles in the shape of her smaller funbags, she'd probably sign on. The woman does like to earn. No shame in that. Or being braless. Enjoy.

‘Thanks for Sharing’ Threatens to Undermine Everything We Hold Dear (VIDEO)

See the shocking movie that will destroy our world...

So, we don't want to alarm you, but there's a movie coming out this fall that threatens to tear apart the very fabric of everything we care about. That's right, the Gwyneth Paltrow vehicle, Thanks for Sharing, seeks to glorify the repression of sexual thoughts. Horrifying, we know.

Right off the bat, Thanks for Sharing's trailer contends that 'abnormal' people think about sex 15 times an hour...on the high side, not the low side. Shit, if that was true, there'd be no Egotastic. None.

Then it shows that movie is about a couple of relatively normal dudes (including Hulkamaniac Mark Ruffalo) and one lady (played by Pink) who just want to have sex all the time. In the film's horrifying dystopian future, thinking about sex constantly and wanting to have sex constantly is some kind of disease, unlike our world where such impulses are pretty normal for all living creatures. Man, sci fi is just getting weirder and weirder.

We were ready to analyze and pick apart the nuances of everything said and all that, but we were too distracted by Paltrow's striptease. You understand.

Gwyneth Paltrow Booty Cheeks A Sign of a Good Week to Come

Okay, so maybe despite all the new age dieting and yoga-sizing and general social benevolence, the Gwyneth Paltrow body is not what it used to be in the days the actress had no problems taking it all off for the cameras. But... it's still all there, as can be seen in these caps from the film Thanks for Sharing, which I think was made a good long time ago. But is finally getting released in the U.S. this fall, meaning, they're promoting this scene with Gwyneth in black lingerie to get you excited to see the film.

The movie itself is a chronicle of three different sex addicts, though I'm pretty sure Gwyneth is not one of them. I'm talking about in the movie. And I suppose real life, but she does have an empire to run. Still, I'm considering the appearance of Gwyneth in lingerie, blemishes and all, to be the harbinger of a very solid week to come. This week's glass is most definitely half full. Enjoy.