You know my general feelings about the fine art of burlesque and other not nearly striptease shows. A bit outdated. But every time I say that, along comes Dita Von Teese to make sure I eat my words. With her tassels and g-strings and water pouring and giant martini glasses, there’s no doubt Dita puts on one amazingly bawdy show even if she does so without breaking any prevailing vice laws, unfortunately so.
You wouldn’t stick with a girlfriend who teased you wonderfully each evening only to announce ‘thank you for attending the show, Cleveland’ then left your apartment right as you were ready for the after-show. But somehow Dita makes this work ever so alluringly, recollections back to an era when not everybody was super obvious in public and saved their fully naughty bits for the boudoir. I suppose there’s something to be said for the anti-Miley. Bravo, Dita. Enjoy.
You know me well enough to know I don’t understand burlesque. I mean, if this were the 1920′s and my viewing options were limited, I get it. You make the most of your circumstances. But we’re getting close to the 2020′s and there are a million and one options for seeing the tassels come off. Nevertheless, if you’re into, nobody does it better than Dita Von Teese who circles the globe doing her champagne glass and booby-shaking striptease thing. It really is quite a skilled performance.
Dita’s latest stop took her to Sardinia for what I’m sure was a rather exclusive engagement. There is something to be said for tradition and old school. I’m not a total heretic. But at the end of the day if I wanted to see censored funbags, I’d visit the Daily Mail or TMZ. Enjoy.
Dita Von Teese
The AMFAR gala at the Cannes Film Festival was a veritable smorgasbord of hotness. Sweet lord there were boobs galore. Irina Shayk wore a pink dress that showed off not only deep cleav but also most of her sexy legs. Legendary hottie Heidi Klum was also on hand in a blue dress with a plunging neckline that showed off the inner sides of her funbags and a deep slit that revealed her fabulous Teutonic legs. Bombshell singer Nicole Scherzinger was there in a black dress that basically only covered her nips, so there was side and top boob all over the place. In addition, classic beauty Sharon Stone was at the event and she seems to have forgotten her bra at home. Needless to to say that the slit in the front of her dress made us relive our teenage Basic Instinct fantasies. What can I say about Rosario Dawson’s cleavage-filled dress with peek-a-boo window to her ta-tas? Yes, please is what I can say! Michelle Rodriguez also brought along her sideboobs. Basically, what I’m telling you is that everyone had their ladies out. Lara Stone basically wore a push-up bra and Dita Von Teese wore one of her typical sideboobtacular dresses. Kylie Minogue might as well have just come shirtless. And Alessandra Ambrosio? She was busting out all over.
If all of these spectacular ladies and their sideboobs didn’t raise enough money then nothing will.
Alessandra Ambrosio, amfAR Gala, Cleavage, Dita Von Teese, Heidi Klum, Irina Shayk, Kylie Minogue, Lara Stone, Michelle Rodriguez, Nicole Scherzinger, Rosario Dawson, Sharon Stone
Everyone’s favorite burlesque star Dita Von Teese showed off her goodies at a performance at the Revolution club in Florida. The brunette beauty hit the stage wearing spangly bottoms and pasties on her nips. I say that she was “covered topless” but you could pretty much see everything. A couple of stickers do not make you clothed. Dita danced around, dumped water on herself in a giant champagne glass, and generally made the audience feel something stirring in their bathing suit areas. Dita’s work harkens back to a simpler time when exotic dancing was classier than it is today. It was all about teasing and flirting and not just dry humping for twenty bucks a song. Dita is painfully gorgeous. I wonder if she’s coming to do a show in New York anytime soon? It’s not stripping it’s performance art, right?
I wonder if she applies the pasties on herself or if it is some lucky person’s job to stick those on her pert nips? If so, what did that person do right in their last life to merit that reward?
I feel like I’m going to say that I have a new found respect for Dita Von Teese and then you’re going to say that’s only because I noticed today how big her funbags are and then I’m going to deny it, but only halfheartedly because it’s primarily true. I suppose I run that risk. But… Dita Von Teese did look all gothic and dark and hot over the weekend in her naughty librarian glasses and her top barely contained within a sweater. I can only imagine she’s wearing one of those bras from the 1950′s that takes twenty minutes and a manual to remove, but, thankfully, I happen to have a free hour and I can decently interpret French.
My on the fence feelings about Dita primarily stem from her teasy burlesque shows. You know how I feel about pasties in general. A tease is a wonderful thing, but it’s like ordering the meal with great anticipation. If your food never comes you eventually just become bitter and hungry and you drink too much then beat up a guy from Indianapolis who deserved better. Enjoy.
Dita Von Teese