Now, I could swear they just had the country music awards a month or two ago in Vegas. But I’m sure that was a different event than the CMT Awards last night in Nashville that saw an assemblage of hotties that really other musical genres have a difficult time matching.
Carrie Underwood might just be my perfect woman. Kristen Bell could easily be my girlfriend on the side if I let her. I’d have to motorboat Miranda Lambert should we ever cross paths in my Red Roof Inn suite at 4am. Kellie Pickler and I could easily hot tub until our prunes begin to prune. And I’d be happy to give LeAnn Rimes and all over body massage and hear her complain about her husband’s ex-wife. I’m down for it all. Something tawdry and melancholy and prurient and horny. Kind of like country music itself. I nailed that. Enjoy.
I’m pretty sure the Academy of Country Music Awards holds their ceremonies about five times a year now. At last it seems like these country awards are going on nonstop throughout the year. But I think this is the big one, or one of the big ones, in Vegas and bringing out all the big names in country, or the big names in hotness at least, which is far more important.
The parade of beauties included Shakira, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Miranda Lambert, Olivia Munn who I don’t think sings country but was super cleavy, and a gaggle more of super sextastic decked out women who wouldn’t love me even if I played guitar and crooned about how hard it is to do something basic. It’d be easier to make fun of country music if they didn’t have such super good looking women. Sort of like making fun of the dude in high school who got all the girls. Sour grapes, I know. Enjoy.
Say what you will about Country Music, it brings out the hot women. I don’t care if you find the music suffering, suffer you must because a solid third of the good looking ladyfolk in this nation love them the country crooners. You can’t just ignore those facts that I just made up.
So, pay attention we did to last night’s Country Music Awards, the night that country singers and random people we had no idea had anything to do with country music get together to look their best and give each other lots of trophies. There were many highlights of the show last night, but the hotness was owned by the likes of Kellie Pickler, Lucy Hale, Taylor Swift, and Carrie Underwood. There was more, but these were our favorites. The music, well, you know. But the girls, yes, the girls, they make all music worlds go-round. Enjoy.
Now, you know that everything I know about country music can be summed up in a song called, ‘Boy Didn’t Know Shit About Country (So Everybody Called Him Linda)’ I really don’t know jack. But I do know that the whole country music scenes brings in some serious hotties, many of who showed up last night at the 2013 CMT Awards to see and be seen. Also heard I suppose.
Taylor Swift shocked the audience by not wearing a sundress made for a twelve-year old, but rather, a rather grown up looking gown, Carrie Underwood remains a highly underrated piece of allure, Kristen Bell showed up to show off her new MILFy self, AnnaSophia Robb is ever glowing with sextastic, and Kellie Pickler put on a cleavetastic show much fitting the world of country music. All in all, the perfect combo of twang and ta-ta’s. Enjoy.
(I’d add Miranda Lambert in there too, though when it turned out she isn’t pregnant, as were the rumors, just said she ‘ate too much over the holidays’, well, that did hurt her sextastic appeal that is buried there still somewhere.)
You know I know little about Country Music. So, it’s like most things. But I do know that hot girls go for Country music guys, and there’s even a few hotties among the country music performing crowd as well. At last night’s glitzy ACM Awards, several noteworthy faces made an appearance, including a cleavy Kaley Cuoco, an increasingly good looking though still kind of annoying Taylor Swift, and a vastly underrated Carrie Underwood. It was country music at its finest, literally. Enjoy.
Let’s first give credit to the queen of country music, in our books, Shania Twain, who men have been having pleasantly lurid thoughts about for two decades running now, and who at age forty-seven is just launching yet another mega-tour, and looking mega tones and mega fit and mega sextastic.
But, let’s also be honest. Time might heal all wounds, but it also serves to replace past and present greatness with future greatness, and Carrie Underwood is the present and future greatness. At twenty-nine, Carrie Underwood is just coming into her own mature levels of supreme good-lookingness, include making country music concerts quite watchable for this hardcore rock music only fan.
Yes, it’s an abundance of riches, but who is the richest between Carrie and Shania?