Brittney Jones

Brittney Jones vs. Sara Leal: Sextastic Battle of the Ashton Kutcher Alleged Mistresses

Yes, still alleged. Like allegedly I may have slept with the Assistant Dean’s daughter in college (not much of a looker I might add, but strong haunches, she played field hockey) or allegedly, eating at McDonald’s everyday will make you look like Chaz Bono. But, on today’s episode of alleged Ashton Kutcher mistresses (and that is such a kind name for one-night of drunken boot-knocking, but such is polite culture) we take a look at the newly-nosed-and-boob-jobbed Brittney Jones, of last year’s Kutcher she-banging fame, vs, Sara Leal, the new ‘other lady’ on the scene, purportedly locked in a hotel room with lawyers counting her financial chickens about to hatch.

I have to give bonus points to Brittney’s new funbags, and, at the same time, Sara Leal playing beer bong and flashing her flesh puppies — wow, this is a true battle. I guess in the end the winner is Ashton Kutcher, because even those these ladies-on-the-side have seem to have cost him his marriage with the cougariffic Demi Moore, well, let’s face it, these two girls are likely just the tip of the tip dipping iceberg, throw in Two and  a Half Men megamillions, and the Kutch is on the uptick. Enjoy.

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED: Egotastic First Look at Brittney Jones Sex Tape R-Rated Preview (EXCLUSIVE VIDEO)

 

Thanks to our friends at Vivid for sneaking our readers an R-rated first look at the Brittney Jones sex tape set for release to the general public on December 29th. You may remember that Brittney Jones claimed in a Star magazine interview that she slipped Ashton Kutcher her phone number while the star-cub was bowling with his family at Lucky Strikes in Hollywood this past July and subsequently Brittney Jones alleges she had sex with Ashton Kutcher in the home he shares with wife Demi Moore while Moore was out of town. I believe it was atop the couch, if we’re talking specifics. Ashton Kutcher claimed through his attorney that Star magazine was a bunch of lying liars who lie and that the story was false; which means that somebody therein is a lying.

I can only say from covering celebrity sex scandals since the early 19th century that half the time the rumors and claims are true, half the time they are not. Celebrities are certainly the subject of many hot young female offerings of the sexy along their life’s journeys, whether they be married or not, but without a stained blue dress or a baby it’s usually left up to everyone to draw their own conclusions.

(Hey, for all our readers who claim I’m unfair to allegedly cheating celebrity dudes, did you see how evenhandedly I covered the sensitivities above? A Pulitzer can’t be far behind.)

For their part, this is how Vivid put it in their press release yesterday:

Brittney Jones is the beautiful 21-year-old brunette who made headlines earlier this year for her brief affair with a very married Hollywood celebrity superstar. The movie, acquired from a third party, centers on the sexual exploits of Jones with a former boyfriend.

According to Vivid, this unnamed ‘celebrity superstar’ had attorneys fire off a legal letter to Vivid which resulted in Vivid ‘moving forward without using the A-lister’s actual name in connection with the sex tape.’ Wow. Sex hasn’t been this confusing since high school when Shaylene Delmonico whispered into my ear, ‘No, not there, you dumbass.’

Maybe Brittney Jones knocked boots with Ashton Kutcher, maybe she did not. What I am quite sure of after seeing this exclusive preview courtesy of Vivid is that her bedpost is not single-notched. Enjoy.

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED: this is the preview for a sex tape. There is sex involved, on tape. If I may be scientific for a moment, I’m talking about thingamajigs going into hoohas and the like. Viewing is intended solely for adults and unsupervised kids pretending to be adults.

Watch the Video »