CELEBRITY

Amber Rose Isn’t Perfect Like You Imagined (VIDEO)

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Sam Robeson - April 24, 2017

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Amber Rose points out her cellulite and stretch marks in a new Instagram video. Those cost her a couple bucks extra at the plastic surgeon’s office. You need to have a tasteful amount of cellulite in order to be a successful feminist social media celebrity. Or have a winning personality. Rose only had one option. She polled focus groups on the appropriate amount of cellulite to construct in her body. Rose needs to maintain her Slutwalk fanbase but still be attractive. It's way to easy to hate ugly feminists.

Self-loathing women get off on deformed celebrities. But not too deformed. They need to feel like a man might think of them as fuckable some day. If Rose is considered hot but still has cellulite, maybe the plastic bags of creamed corn they call legs will be wrapped around a guy’s face someday. It’s false advertising. Rose pans the camera over her huge boobs and curvy bod before showing minimal cellulite and stretch marks. The video wouldn’t go viral if she playfully teased with a clinically obese body before zooming in on purple ravine-like stretch marks.

Chrissy Teigen knows the drill. Women should hate her. She’s got perfect tits after baby and is fucking John Legend with the lights on. She features her cellulite and stretch marks on social media. So she’s relatable. Normal women are being fooled. They’ll never look like Teigen because she’s a genetic anomaly. Literally, she's half Thai, half Scandinavian. They’ll never look like Rose because they can’t afford the interchangeable plastic parts or the industrial vacuums. Men have traps. Women have traps. Worth noting they fall within a fairly contained radius around the vagina. 

Photo credit: Splash News

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