Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter Call It Quits; I Hope It Wasn’t Because of Me

What kind of world do we live in where a high-profile professional athlete and a super hot model and actress can't keep the love-fires burning in and out of the public eye? I have absolutely no effin' clue, nor, do I care, because now is clearly the chance for Minka Kelly and I to finally express our unbridled passions for one another in a safe and caring environment, preferably one containing easy access to lubricating jellies and some type of rechargeable battery station. Oh, Minka, I may not be Mr. 3000, but I'm Mr. 30-seconds of pure bliss. Call me, sugar.

(For those interested in the splitsville details, check out Minka and Derek Split, on Celebuzz).)