From Equator Lines to Panty Lines: Miss Bumbum 2012 Edition

With all these trips to South America, I've been pulled aside by the TSA and had my insides probed more than a recurring character on The X-Files. But it's always worth it. Sure I had to limp to the convention center at Sao Paulo, Brazil and sit on an inflatable donut in order to see all the finalists of the Miss Bumbum 2012 pageant compete, the competition for the best, most beautiful booty in Brazil, but the bevy of cheeks shaking in front of me was like popping twenty oxycontin and I quickly forgot about my pain. You may remember I was sent down there on assignment for the Miss Bumbum semi-finals a few weeks ago. But today I'm able to offer you the best of the best.

So say hello to Carine Felizardo, the 25-year-old has the distinction of being crowned as Miss Bumbum 2012, making her a local hometown hero and the woman most likely to be cast in a Youtube song parody video to the tune of Sir Mix-a-lot's 'I Like Big Butts'. While my girlfriend may not have been as excited by the photos I sent her of Carine, along with a gym membership to 'Squats Fitness', I think the rest of you will appreciate that not only does South America put out a finer grade quality of narcotics, but they put the same energy, effort and expertise into their backsides.