There’s a Billion People in China, Some Overbearing Stage Parents Were Sure to Turn Up Eventually

Remember when you were a kid and your parents told you your goldfish Swimmy went on vacation in the ocean? But what they really meant to say was that you were too dumb not to overfeed the stupid goldfish you killed him like that scene in SE7EN so they had to flush it down the toilet? Now imagine how much worse it would be if instead of a goldfish, it was your grandparents.

Wu Minxia, a Chinese diver who won the gold in the London Games this week, got a bellyflop of news after her Olympic victory when her parents finally told her that both her grandparents had died over a year earlier but that they neglected to tell her because they thought it would interfere with her training. An arrangement her parents claim was 'essential.' Why Wu didn't wonder why Grandma didn't send her that $10 check for her birthday...we'll never know.