Jessica Simpson Busty in NYC

The only time my dad ever walked out of a movie was in the dog days of summer, 1992. My stepmother and father had made plans to see the Nicolas Cage rom-com Honeymoon in Vegas the following weekend when my stepmother was off work. My father had reluctantly agreed to take me to see Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, because he knew I was a fan of the show and wanted to see the film.

I'd like to be generous and say that roughly twenty minutes in, my father decided this film wasn't for him, but it was probably closer to five minutes.

"No way I'm sitting through this happy horse shit. Come on, let's go see the Nicolas Cage movie instead."

"But dad, you're supposed to see that next weekend with your wife."

"Eh, I won't tell her and you'd better not tell her. But I can't do this for another minute, come on."

"Just leave me here and come back, that movie will be over before this one anyway. You know where I am."

"Yeah, and then the guy's gonna come in to an R-rated movie and see a kid sitting all by himself and not go and pull me out of the other theater. Come on!"

We went to see Honeymoon in Vegas instead. It was marginally enjoyable. I never did tell my stepmother about this grand betrayal of her trust, though I get the feeling, she already knew.

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