bill-swift - September 27, 2012
If you need to get drunk faster...Just do more shots. Don't, I repeat, do not insert rubber hosing up your rectum and spew alcohol up your Exit Only hole. Apparently twelve students in the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity at the University of Tennessee haven't been listening to my weekly podcast, 'Reasons Why Not to Hose Booze Up Your Brown Eye' because that's just what they were caught doing. Apparently, these paragons of collegiate intelligence did this because the 'abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the bloodstream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver.'
Great job guys. Because nothing spells MANHOOD better than a night out with the guys shoving rubber tubes up each other's rear ends like a deleted scene from the director's cut of Caligula. Why frat members would commit an act that resembles brutal hazing after they've already gotten in, is beyond me. It's like being liberated from Auschwitz and asking if you could go back in to finish your work.
But there is this myth that fraternities are the ones who do the truly horrible hazing at prospective members. But girls in sororities can be just as cruel. And I would know. At my entire time in college, not one sorority girl said yes when I asked her out. See what I mean? Heartless and cruel people.
And in my intense research of female sorority members, I've learned a couple things. One) There actually are communal showers they all use and selflessly lather each other up. Two) If I flash my dad's credit card and show them a black BMW pulled up outside I claim to own, they will offer to sleep with me. And Three) Their hazing is even worse than guys. It's downright scary how awful some of these stories are.
We compiled a bunch of the truly most brutal tales of girl-on-girl hazing we could find. So check out the gallery for some of the most Horrific Sorority Hazing Stories Ever.
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