Today In Internet Craziness: Katy Perry Is JonBenet Ramsey

The Internet was created as the ultimate tool for communication and the transfer of knowledge. Of course, that's not what it is primarily used for. It's mainly a place where clinically insane people can get together with other crazies and social deviants to spin wild and unsubstantiated rumors. That and cat videos. Most of these discussions involve complicated conspiracy theories about vast Masonic/Illuminati conspiracies involving everyone from the president to Jay Z. The theory that is taking the interwebs by storm today has to do with singer Katy Perry actually being grown up JonBenet Ramsey. You will recall that JonBenet was a little girl who was forced into pageants by her crappy parents who was later found murdered. The crime was never solved and no one was ever arrested. A tragic story, to be sure, but the Internet decided to show that in fact JonBenet was kidnapped by the Illuminati and forced to become Katy Perry.

What's the evidence? Well, they kind of looked similar when they were kids. Plus a bunch of numerology and the usual conspiracy nonsense. Still, some people are convinced that the two are one and the same. Not that evidence is important. When presented with lack of evidence, they simply say that the Illuminati is just really good at covering their tracks. When you do find evidence that seems too obvious they say that the Illuminati likes to leave clues in plain sight. You can't have it both ways, jerks.