Three Reasons Star Wars 3D Is Going To Suck Wookiee

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bill-swift - February 14, 2012

I refuse to see the Star Wars 3D re-releases. I've been a Star Wars fan my entire life. No, Star Wars fanatic is more like it. I wore vintage Yoda t-shirts when being a geek was anything but chic. Not even the craptacular prequels made me wash my hands with all things George Lucas. Much like a once great love affair that went bad, I tried to remember the good times. But I have to draw the line at these 3D abominations. Today, Episode 1: The Phantom Menace will be re-released nationwide in both 3D and 2D. Besides the fact that this Phantom Menace is arguably the biggest turd in the Star Wars punchbowl, I'm not going to see it or any of the others in 3D. Here's why:

They were never meant to be in 3D

3D isn't a new thing, though Hollywood seems to think that Jesus brought it down from Heaven in 2007. 3D has been around since the sixties, so If George Lucas really wanted to make these films in 3D he would have done so from the beginning. When you shoot a movie you always think ahead to how it is going to appear in the final product. Had he wished to make it a 3D film, he would have set up shots in such a way that you get the maximum effect. Instead, you'll see thrilling scenes of people sitting around discussing trade negotiations like they are happening right in front of you!

They are going to look like crap

The way a movie is "made 3D" after the fact, is by layering the image to create a stereoscopic image. Two copies are laid on top of, but slightly askew, from each other to create the illusion of depth. The problem is that when you do this, the image gets darker. The crispness disappears and you start to lose details. He'll probably bump up the brightness to compensate, but this will make it look even worse. For films that rely so heavily on visuals, this is a big problem. Luckily, you still have Natalie Portman and Jake Lloyd's wooden acting to entertain you.

Every time He Alters Star Wars He Makes It Worse

Some might see these re-releases as a cynical ploy to make money. While greed is a factor, I think there is something more going on. I'm convinced that George Lucas is purposely trying to destroy his legacy. He always said that he really wanted to make experimental films and has resented making the biggest blockbuster of all time. Every time he touches these movies, he makes them worse. It's the Midas touch in reverse. He can destroy my childhood all he wants, but I'm not going to pay him for it.

Article By Jack Tomas

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