There is a Book Titled ‘Things Better Than Boobs.’ Clearly This Can Only Be Found in the Fantasy Aisle at the Bookstore (VIDEO)

Yes, gentlemen. At times like this, we must utilize two goddamn boob puns before we've even advanced past the title of the article. An existential crisis was afoot, as author Theodore Rasbury made the egregious, hang him by his gonads from the satellite dish suggestion that there could possibly be any Things Better Than Boobs.

Fortuitously, though, our righteous fury and fiendish plans to shit in this dude's mail box in our chagrin were swiftly averted. One closer inspection, the book is a mere exercise in piss-takery. As you'll all attest, if there's one thing we like, it's snark. but if there's two things, it's ladylumps and snark. As such, we salute Mr. Rasbury and the 100+ blank note pages that comprise the 2009 book. We see what he did there, and we approve. Hilarity came perilously close to prevailing.

Nevertheless, there still may be charlatans among us that would dare suggest anything could surpass the glory of the funbag. To these bastards (we'll make you shave your bollocks with a butcher knife, blindfolded, for this, even if youarehypothetical!) we present the wondrous Czech chesticles of Denise Milani in the clip above. Beat (one off to) those, if you can.

Header image source: hollywoodphotogalleries.