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The U.S. Open Bird Man And Other Stupid Public Stunts

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bill-swift - June 20, 2012

An insane "bird man" wearing a stupid hat crashed a trophy ceremony at the U.S. Open yesterday. See, that's the problem with insane people today: rudeness. By all means be crazy. If you want to stand on the corner and rant about how aliens secretly control your penis through cell phone signals, that's fine. Being nuts is your right as an American. The problem comes when you start bothering other people, especially publicly. There is no need for that. Be crazy in the privacy of your own cardboard box home. As a warning to other would-be public crazies, here is a list of 5 other nut jobs that have been crazy on TV.

The Bird Man at The U.S. Open

So, here is the story on this winner. Bob Costas, the little imp of TV sports, was interviewing golf champ Webb Simpson about his win over Lee Westwood. Suddenly, the broadcast is interrupted by the sound of squawking bird noises. The cameras turn to find a dude with a Union Jack hat pretending to be a parrot. The man, who only identified himself as "Jungle Bird", was arrested and taken away to a cage somewhere. The reason for the stunt? He wanted to bring attention to the shrinking habitat of forest birds due to deforestation. I have a feeling that little birdie is going to be plucked in prison.


Soy Bomb

Michael Portnoy is one of those annoying performance artists that make their parents very sad. He likes to do public acts of stupidity to wake up the conformist bourgeois culture or some such crap. In 1998, he was hired by the Grammys to stand in the background while Bob Dylan played his song, Love Sick. In the middle of the song, Portnoy rips off his shirt and starts dancing like a spaz with the words soy bomb written on his chest. Why soy bomb? "Soy, represents dense nutritional life. Bomb is, obviously, an explosive destructive force. So, soy bomb is what I think art should be: dense, transformational, explosive life". Why don't you get a real job, dude. Perhaps serving soy lattes at Starbucks?


David Niven And The Oscar Streaker

Robert Opel was a gallery owner and photographer that worked for LGBT publications. David Niven was the super smooth British Actor famous for playing Sherlock Holmes. The two met at the 46th annual Academy Awards when Opel streaked naked across the stage behind Niven. Nonplussed, Niven turned to the cameras and said, "Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen... But isn't it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings?" It later came out that the whole thing was probably staged. What gets higher ratings than hairy '70s man sack?


Bill Gates, Pie Face

We all know Bill Gates. He founded Microsoft, created Windows, and is one of the richest men in the world. He's also kind of an a-hole. So, Belgian anarchist Noel Godin decided to take him down a few notches by hitting him in the face with a creampie. Godin had done this before to other famous people, but never anyone as powerful as Gates. Godin refers to himself as "L'entarteur" which means the "Pie Man" in Frenchy-frog talk. Gates doesn't like people touching him, so he really didn't like getting pie'd in the face. Still, Gates didn't press charges against him. I guess Godin is more of a Mac guy.


Don't Tase Me, Philly Fanatic!

Fans running onto the field at baseball games is nothing new. They've been doing it since the days before baseball players did steroids and beat their wives. Things turned ugly in 2010 when a young Phillies fan named Steve Consalvi ran out onto the field. Usually, security just grabs the fan and carts them away to stadium jail and probably make them clean the urinals. This time, the security had had enough. In order to take Consalvi down they shot him with a taser. A bit excessive? Maybe. No charges were pressed against the security personnel, even though a lot of people thought that they had used excessive force. Come on, the kid is already a Phillies fan. Isn't that punishment enough?


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