The Britney Spears Fitness Regimen Works

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Sam Robeson - September 12, 2018


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Couldn't make up mind... hair up or down???: @fiacuzziphotography

A post shared by Britney Spears (@britneyspears) on

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When we're children, we want to break free of our parents' supervision so we can watch television twenty-four-seven and eat ourselves into diabetic comas. Then when we - or at least those of us who have the means - are adults, we spend thousands of dollars on personal trainers and nutritionists to reenact the same strictness enforced by our parents. Or us poor people simply try to go it alone. Dieting and exercising despite our increasingly sedentary lifestyle and accessibility to processed calorie-laden foods. But this takes willpower.

The way to cheat the system is to have a psychotic break in adulthood that turns your brain into applesauce, and then to have your freewill handed over to people who benefit monetarily from your ability to be fuckable. Is this tracking for anyone? My point is that by being comatose and enslaved to her handlers, Britney Spears is living the good life. Just the right amount of Thorazine sprinkled into her Velveeta to not be cognicant of the grueling workout regimine required to look tight at thirty-six. And with two kids. Anyway, she posted some more stilted but hot Insta bikini pics. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Instagram

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