Well, don’t you know, the blessed announcement of Kim Kardashian’s illegitimate child has inspired our own Jack Tomas to retrieve his dolls from the disturbingly moist box that is their safekeep beneath his bed to dramatically re-create the moment at which Kanye West learned that has sired a bastard baby deep in the woman parts of Kim Kardashian.
Things we’re not all flowers and trumpets from the get-go, as you shall see….
Wow, what a weekend for Kim Kardashian, still down in Miami filming episodes of Kim and Kourtney Fake It For Money, the uber-Kardashian earner went to great lengths to draw attention away from the Freshmen Fifteen she’s packed on the last month by wearing all kinds of revealing and body hugging outfits, accentuating her deep curves and grooves and chunky bits you’d like to soil if you had the chance, or the financial resources to book.
Leading the way was Kim out to dinner with Kanye in Miami and apparently (hold your gasps) across the street from where former dickinassinstuffer Reggie Bush was dining with some chick he knocked up recently. Playing second fiddle to no lesser biyatch, Kim hit the Miami restaurant scene in a butt-hugging, sheer skirt that revealed what appears to be an entirely and truly command two-handfuls of asstastic. Granted, there could be a thong stuff up in that beast somewhere, but we don’t see it.
Earlier in the day, Kim hit South Beach for even more food with little big sister Khloe Kardashian, Kim in a sheer see-through top to remind everybody of her upper assets, and also to distract Khloe from eating small unattended children along the beach front promenade.
Finally, Kim whipped out the short leather skirt over the weekend, putting beef in beef-hide and reminded all of us that her engorged sitter cheeks are up for big to the rootingesst tootingest cowboy with the most greenbacks.
Here’s the bottomline. I don’t care if you’re a pretty bad-as rapper who has knocked boots with tons of hot ladies and you’ve got the manly trophies running up and down the mantle of your mansions, you simply can not decide it’s a good idea to color coordinate outfits with your girlfriend. It’s chick behavior and I’m standing quite firm on that point. So, Kanye West, you lose many many points.
As for Kim Kardashian and her hourglass curves coming out of Kanye’s house in the morning, well, the woman does put on an S-shaped show that makes you wish it was your front door she was exiting with a funny walk in the morning. I’d still rather self-immolate myself in the streets that wear matching outfits with my girlfriend, but for one night of slap and tickle with that Kardashian badonkadonk, I’d max out my credit cards (though not sure my limit meets Kim’s bare bones pricing). Enjoy.
You know Kim Kardashian can smell money from up to 1100 kilometers away, so there’s no surprise that the woman who traveled to our planet to suck up every shekel she can find arrived in Cannes with her latest most greatest love ever, Kanye West, the pair making an appearance on the yacht, The Lady Joy, anchored off the coast of Southern France.
In a socially awkward moment, when one of the yacht guests asked Kim Kardashian what brings her joy as a lady, Kim scribbled a dollar amount on a cocktail napkin and shoved it down the trousers of the questioner, but working past that faux pas, Kim and her cleavage managed to keep her in good graces with the good-graced luxury sea-faring vessel crowd in Cannes. Enjoy.
Look, I know many people don’t believe it, but this time, I think Kim Kardashian has finally found true love. Sometimes you’ve got to kiss or be peed on by a bunch of frogs before your find your true prince, as Kim has in rapper Kanye West. I don’t see any reason why this romance can’t last a full year, or fifteen million dollars, whichever occurs first. That is true love, Kardashian style.
But, to our benefit, Kim was flashing some deep cleavage at the already exciting Lakers playoff series game 7 over the weekend, adding a nice bit of one of the few things we do admire about Kim, to one of the few things we like about Kanye, his ability to score Laker’s courtside seats. Maybe it really is a match made in heaven? Enjoy.
What is Kim Kardashian after? Well, fame, fortune, the fantastic life. Everything that life promised to her by talent of looking pretty hot and being on the right sex tape at the right time. But what about these high-profile rappers and athletes she keeps publicly romancing, what’s their end of the bargain?
Well, it’s as old-school as human sex education itself. And Kanye West, the latest fish in the Kardashian fry, got a good long stare at it as he took Kim back to his apartment for the night after a paparazzi laden evening out on the town in New York.