American Music Awards Posts:

Even Fat Christina Aguilera and Her BBW Funbags Could Not Save the 2012 American Music Awards from Suckitude

By Bill Swift | November 18, 2012 @ 10:45 pm

Christina Aguilera, Carrie Underwood, Carly Rae Jespen, and Gwen Stefani Perform at AMAs

We try so hard to be positive here at Egotastic!. We really do, even if it means drinking cheap booze just to feel joy over some god-awful situation in the terrain that we cover. Heck, we'll go there. But there's really no saving the American Music Awards, which to be fair, have had decent moments in past years, but with the AMA creator Dick Clark no longer with us, well, it's probably time to bury the award show as well.

Yeah, I'm the old man yelling at the kids to get off the lawn, but if the kids on my lawn are listening and watching and awarding this kind of craptastic musical fare, they deserve more than just a scolding. I was rooting for Christina Aguilera to get back into the closet, but like a baby's head crowning into the new world, there's no way they were going to get fat Christina back through that prop doorway. We tried to focus like a laser beam on her cleave, but forces of nature, most notably gravity, compelled us to gaze at her 1980's NHL goon body and wonder how much raw material went into her costume and if it could have possibly been put to better use building refugee tent cities in war-torn distance lands.

That being said, we of course found some silver linings to the super-gray AMAs, in the form of Gwen Stefani, who marked her return to the album and concert circuit, Carrie Underwood, one of the biggest underrated hotties in the land, and Carly Rae Jepsen, who we think is cute, but admittedly mostly follow awaiting her alleged sex tape to leak.

All in all, the entire evening felt like a Village People reunion out at the airport Hilton cocktail lounge. And we missed sports for this!

View the Gallery / 4 Photos »

Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, and Heidi Klum Heat Up 2012 American Music Awards Red Carpet

By Bill Swift | November 18, 2012 @ 8:29 pm

The Hotties Show Up for the 2012 American Music Awards

View the Gallery / 8 Photos »

Now, by this time you know how we feel about the Grammys and the American Music Awards and pretty much all other music award shows and their relationship to good music -- zero correlation. Truly. Really. Honestly. And we say that hardly as music snobs, just grown adult males for whom popular music left us long ago, or we left it, either way, we can't stand it any more than a grade schooler can brussel sprouts. It's not natural.

And, yet, there's no denying that the ranks of the pop music world are filled with some of our favorite ladies of the sextastic, some performers, some just omnipresent celebs, all of whom do manage to turn the 2012 American Music Awards into hot-watchable television tonight.

Included in our list of girls who gave us happy wood tonight on the red carpet are Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, Heidi Klum, Stacy Keibler, Hayden Panettiere, Jenny McCarthy, and Kesha (what? yep, you heard us right, Kesha, she made herself over so much we got all worked up before we realized it was Kesha -- let's call this one misdirected boner). Enjoy.

Heidi Klum and Katy Perry Getting Sapphic For Our Favorite Moment of the AMA’s

By Bill Swift | November 21, 2011 @ 12:10 am

Heidi Klum and Katy Perry Nearly Lock Lips at 2011 American Music Awards

Perhaps our first time being genuinely jealous of an obelisk-shaped award, but, oh, to be handled by both the uber-sextastic Heidi Klum and tease-bot Katy Perry, as the two handy girls become so consumed with passion their lips move toward one another. Okay, so maybe we're projecting just a little, but, oh, my, my, if this doesn't get you to sign up for the once a year Men Allowed day trip to the Isle of Lesbo, not sure what will. Enjoy.

Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, and Katy Perry Bring Low-Cut Heat to American Music Awards Sextastic Roundup

By Bill Swift | November 20, 2011 @ 11:48 pm

2011 American Music Awards Sextastic Roundup

View the Gallery / 33 Photos »

Okay, we've already kind of spoken our peace about the celebration of the musical arts b.s. that the American Music Awards and all music award shows claim to be. And, no, we're not music snobs, because half of this craptastic pop music we actually like, but when we listen to it, we know it's the Doritos chips equivalent of audio excellence. It's junk food for the ears. But when Uncle John is in town from Humboldt County, oh, how we crave that junk food.

In contrast, what we do take quite seriously is the bevy of beauties these award shows bring out; divas of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, origins, and auto-tuned pre-recorded levels that share one thing in common -- we want very badly to make the sexy with them backstage in a closet.

This year's American Music Awards awards for noteworthy excellence in the area of wood making included Selena Gomez, who really stole the show tonight, despite the omnipresence of her 90-lbs of goof tied to her arm, Katy Perry, who has now not shown us her boobs for four full years, Taylor Swift, who still always looks like she's trying to see into the Close Encounters alien ship when the doors open up and the aliens descend (but we still want to make many babies with her), Jennifer Lopez who put on a 40-something body show for the ages, Christina Aguilera, who has seen some hard times, but bonus points for bringing the cleavetastic, Jennifer Hudson and her new bodacious body, Albanian import Bleona Qereti who dropped some silly amounts of boobtastic, ever hot Vanessa Minillo, and non-singers Sarah Hyland and Audrina Patridge who just rev our engines in entirely different ways.

Not a bad showing, AMA's, at least in the area of the visual arts. Enjoy.

Jennifer Lopez Bends Over for Pitbull (and Fiat) at the American Music Awards

By Bill Swift | November 20, 2011 @ 11:05 pm

Jennifer Lopez Bends Over for Pitbull During Performance at 2011 American Music Awards

Oh, the music world and artists were abuzz and agog about Jennifer Lopez and her sell-out performance tonight at the American Music Awards. Of course, irate musicians such as John Legend weren't anger-twittering about the hot mama barely clad and getting it on onstage, they were peeved at the fact that J-Lo did her song and dance number around a Fiat, parked in the middle of the stage, clearly a promotional tie in to her new auto-company mega-million dollar campaign. And, yeah, that was kind of crude and Kardashian like pimping, but, c'mon, this is the American Music Awards, a giant assemblage of largely craptastic pop music being honored for it's sheer monetary value. It's all about the money, this isn't about music.

And, to boot, pun intended, if you're doing anything other than laughing at Pitbull literally tap 'dat famous asstastic on J-Lo, you're missing the visual moment that sums up the entire evening. Enjoy.