Sam Robeson - August 3, 2017
Forty-five-year-old Sofia Vergara gets the Photoshop assist in a new nude spread for Women's Health making Internet headlines. The magazine should come with cyanide packets - like magazine perfume samples - for middle-aged women previously proud of their twenty Lean Cuisines and three sit-ups-a-day regime. "Margaret, you're doing it! Bill will come crawling back." With her tight ass and big tits, Vergara still looks ready for one of those 90's neon-accented Myrtle Beach postcard inexplicably in circulation.
Vergara touts aging with dignity in the accompanying interview. Starting with a genetically-blessed body helps. A dollop of Photoshop is par for the course in the magazine biz, but seems counterproductive to her message. Give women something. Anything. Just one forehead wrinkle so tragic Women's Health subscribers can muster up the energy to live another day:
I’m 45. Even if you want to, at this time in your life, you can’t be perfect. It’s not that you hate it, or that you’re upset about it, but it is our reality. We’re changing. I see it happening to me. I want to look my age, but I want to look great. I think if you are obsessed with this ‘I want to look younger’ thing, you’re going to go crazy.
On the inconvenience of having huge heaving tits in this day and age:
I can barely cover my boobs with two arms—I’m a 32-triple-D!…My boobs are real, and I had a baby. If I grab them, I can’t even cover the nipple!
And on blowing smoke up her own well-deserved vag:
[My husband] Joe’s like, ‘F-ck, you’re going to be naked in everything now? Why?’ I told [my rep], ‘I’m going to be 45 years old! Stop putting me in naked things! Let me age with dignity!’ People say, ‘Oh, you look like you’re in your twenties.’ Well, it’s not true. Our skin is different.
Meanwhile, women reading the magazine are gnawing at candy wrappers they found in their folds. We want to believe we can age like Vergara. We can't. Luckily we can jack off to her tits until our dicks turn to useless pee noodles.
Photo Credit: Women's Health