Skinny Jeans Are Killing Hipster’s Sperm. Yeah!

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bill-swift - July 14, 2012

Skinny jeans are killing off men's sperm counts. At least, that's what a British report cited in the English newspapers the Daily Mail and The Guardian claim. They particularly use the example of British comedian and former Mr. Katy Perry Russell Brand as a man in danger of killing off his swimmers. Doctor's have long known the danger of testicle hugging clothing. Sperm need to be relatively cool to survive. This is why our testes hang down. If they are too close to the body, our internal ninety-eight degree temperature tends to kill them off. That's why men trying to knock up their wives are advised to switch from briefs to boxers. But is skinny jean wearing men killing their sperm really a bad thing?

Think about it: There are currently over 7 billion people on the planet. That's way more than the Earth can handle. But there is also the question of genetic health. What if all the hipsters and wannabe hipsters are doing the gene pool a favor and self naturally selecting themselves out of existence? The original wave of hipsters, now in their thirties, are starting to have kids with their multi-tattooed wives. Do we really want these whiny useless d-bags reproducing weak, entitled offspring with stupid haircuts? I think not. So, thank you American Apparel for destroying the capacity of your clientele to reproduce. I owe you some fro-yo.

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