Sharing Means Fuck You, You’re Killing My Kid

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jhanson - September 24, 2014

A eighth grader in Weaverville, California was given detention because some jack booted cafeteria guard saw him give his chicken burrito to another kid. Sharing food is verboten in Weaverville because unlike what you learned on Barney, in Weaverville, sharing means probably cause for a murder rap. Or so believe the patients now running the asylum. The parents who have isolated their kids from all possible allergens, contaminants, GMOs, hormones, nuts, and, naturally, minorities whenever possible. Now these kids immune systems are weaker than Jenny McCarthy's grasp on science because the opposite of the saying 'whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger' is 'your kid is a fucking pussy and will be first to die when the power grid fails'.

Instead of trusting the their fragile spawn with memorizing the foods they are not to supposed to eat, parents who actually look forward to school board meetings convinced administrators to take a zero tolerance stance against food sharing. Stomp out the evil where it resides, in acts of kindness and generosity. If your kid can't survive a cafeteria burrito, he's probably not destined to lift the human race in any meaningful fashion. Consider it a culling of the herd, ramp up your sexual intercourse to more than just birthdays and anniversaries, and make some more babies like parents used to do when there were real threats to children.

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