Samuel L. Jackson’s Winning Reddit Monologue in All Its Motherf*cking Glory (VIDEO)

Last week, Samuel L. Jackson joined a contest on Reddit, you're hooked already, we know. The idea was that Jackson would read a fan-submitted 300-word monologue, with the winner chosen by Reddit and the proceeds going to his favorite charity, the Alzheimer's Association. We were hoping for something a lot like that ridiculous sorority-rant read by Michael Shannon, or better yet, Eugene Mirman's unprintable 'cream cheese' monologue. Frankly, he could have read the ingredients from a Hot Pocket box peppered with a motherf*cker or two, and we'd have been good.

What we got instead was this gem, a slow-burning screed about Jackson giving up acting to become a crime-stopping earth-walker, much like his character Jules from Pulp Fiction.

It takes a minute to get going, but it peaks beautifully. Seriously, we'll never get sick of Jackson saying that one word. Ever.