Rise Of The Planet Of The Herpes Apes

Florida is now an even worse place to live now that it's come out that over 1000 herpes infected monkeys are running around causing havok. No, I'm not using monkey in the sense of some Floridians being less evolved than the rest of us Homo sapiens. I mean literal rhesus monkeys that have herpes and hepatitis B that were unleashed on the wild several years ago and have spread their venereal disease ridden genes down into an army of horny, violent, STI-having primates.

See, that Planet of the Apes remake with James Franco showing the rise of the ape planet was wrong. We aren't enslaved by a race of genetically modified super intelligent apes but by a bunch of herpetic, probably meth addicted, redneck Florida monkeys. In the age of Honey Boo Boo and the increased redneckification of America can we really be surprised, haus?