Sam Robeson - January 5, 2018
Khloé Kardashian showed up to the Ellen Show looking like the bloated illegitimate child between Charo and a labradoodle recently found after being stuck in a dryer for ten years. This actually makes sense, because Beast looks like she could be carrying a litter. But in actuality she's just knocked up with one child, and Ellen was there to get all the hot goss on our version of a royal pregnancy. Ellen even had the nerve to ask Beast the rhetorical question of if she's been eating for two. Ellen you sly bitch. She's been eating for twelve since the day she was born and you know it. Beast had the nerve to respond:
I don’t get when people are eating for two full-size people. My mom is one of those people; she bought me eight boxes of Krispy Kreme doughnuts and got mad that I didn’t eat them all. I said, ‘What human being can eat eight boxes?’ She said she did when she was pregnant—and that’s why she gained 80 lbs!
An unsurprising amount of Ellen's interview was spent drilling Beast about her sister Kylie Jenner's ALLEGED pregnancy. At this point we all know that Kris Jenner jizzed inside her daughter to further her empire, but The Jenndashians are keeping adorably coy on the larvae growing inside Kylie so as to capitalize on the big reveal by televising it on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. That episode will surely delight all twelve people watching the show. Ellen really, really, really wants Kylie to be pregnant, to the point where she probably shouldn't be allowed around the child once it's born. Via Just Jared:
“Is Kylie craving things yet?” Ellen asked. Khloe replied coyly, “What do you mean?”
“She’s pregnant,” Ellen responded, to which Khloe then said, “Oh, I don’t know what you’re taking about.”
“Come on now,” Ellen said before Khloe replied, “Come on, Ellen.”
“Why wasn’t she on the Christmas card?” Ellen then asked.
“Um, I don’t know. You gotta ask Kylie. Why don’t you get Kylie on the show?” Khloe responded.
“She must be pregnant. There’s too much secrecy around it. Look at your eyes! Y’all, she’s pregnant! I can tell by her eyes!” Ellen explained, and Khloe then responded, “I am pregnant! I am pregnant!”
“No, not you! Kylie is pregnant! I can tell Kylie is pregnant,” Ellen continued. “I will make a bet right now that she is pregnant.”
“So, Kylie‘s pregnant. That’s great,” Ellen said, before changing the subject to baby names.
If I were Beast I would actually be offended that people are so blatantly more interested in my marginally more attractive family member than myself. This must be how Wynonna Judd felt about Ashley. Oh my God. I just realized this is actually Wynonna Judd. She looks horrible.
Photo Credit: YouTube
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