Paulina Porizkova Bikini Pictures on Grecian MILFtastic Holiday

It's hard to believe Paulina Porizkova will soon be turning 50. It's easy to believe I've lusted for her European bikini sensibilities since before my bobos even dropped. She's been super hot forever.

Paulina and her bikini body took to a Mykonos holiday for the July holiday season. She flashed a frontside and derriere still gifted from the heavens and a good twenty-five years after she retired from SI modeling. It's really incredible to think about. Mostly, it makes me really jealous of that dude from the Cars she's been married to these past twenty-five years. But seeing her bikini tush on the Isles of Greece, I do realize she has a little something in her bag of benevolence for us all. Let' not fight, let's share. Though, obviously, me first. Enjoy.

Today In Japanese Perversion: Old Male School Girl

Ew.

The Japanese are the greatest cosplayers on Earth. That's because unlike a lot of the dorks here in the U.S. that do it, every day people in Japan regularly dress in costumes. One of the most popular is Seifuku, which is the sailor-type school girl uniform favored by young prepubescent girls and Sailor Moon. It's pretty hot when a sexy of age lady wears it...but what about a funky-looking old dude? Hideaki Kobayashi is a scruffy dude that looks like the love child of Mr. Miyagi and a deadhead. He likes to go around dressed like a school girl to challenge gender norms or something. Or not. When asked why he does it he says,

"That's a difficult question. It's not really something I've thought too deeply about. Hrm. I guess it's because sailor suits look good on me?"

He identifies as a man, so he's not a transgendered person. He just gets his jollies dressing like a 12 year old girl. I don't know what the Japanese equivalent of the sex offender task force is but they might want to have a talk with him.

Aubrey O’Day and Her Boobtastic Aplenty Reunites With Danity Kane for Vegas Pool Party

Are you like me? Did you cry when you heard Danity Kane broke up? Did they break up? I don't know, I just like to cry a lot, I'm very in touch with my sensitive side. Just as I was when I saw Aubrey O'Day and her girl group cohorts flashing their lady parts on the red carpet of some Vegas pool party over the weekend. They were performing I think, I kind of lost track in the fog of staring deep into the magical chest of Aubrey O'Day as it washed away all my troubles like a Calgon bath of funbags.

I can't say I was ever much for the Danity Kane sound, but as far as Aubrey O'Day and her Danity Kane Double-D's, well, that has always been music to my ears. MTV's Making the Boobs, err, Making the Band lives on its musical progeny. Two enormous progenies staring back at me right now in fact. Bless your low cut tops, Aubrey. Enjoy.

J.J. Abrams Casually Reveals X-Wing Fighter in Video Seeking Charitable Donations for UNICEF

The man is playing us like a fiddle

I don't know exactly when Star Wars 7 director J.J. Abrams decided to use set reveals to raise money for charity, but if I had to guess I'd say it was some time after people went totally apeshit for those "leaked" pics of the Millennium Falcon back in June. Abrams probably saw the way people reacted and asked, "How can I take this weird boner grown men have for this movie franchise and use it to do something good?"

The solution he came up with is pretty brilliant. Make a video asking people to donate money to "Force for Change," a charitable effort trying to raise money for UNICEF's Innovation Labs. In that video slowly pan out to reveal an entire X-Wing Fighter. The video will spread like wildfire, because the internet is run by geeks and geeks love this stuff. Then, when people watch the video and hear how donating could win them a role as an extra in the film, or possibly an advanced screening for 20 of their closest friends, "Force for Change" will raise lots of money.

Well done, J.J. Abrams. Well done.

The ‘Doom 4′ Reveal Was a Chainsawin,’ Explosionin’ Good Time; So We Hear (VIDEO)

Doom 4 Quakecon Reveal
The most doomtastic Doom you ever saw. Apparently.

You know how the gamertastic can be. Particularly those of us who are long-term fans of a certain franchise. We clutch our beloved Final Fantasy/Resident Evil/Zelda/other to our man-boobs like our firstborn children. Should developers eff around with them, the fire and brimstone and impotent spittle-flying Internet rage is unleashed.

By, y’know, the crazies among us. Not everybody. Anywho, let’s see what happened when hardcore Doomaholics were shown footage of Doom 4 at QuakeCon last week.

Kotaku and the unofficial QuakeCon forums bring us this footage, seven of the most enthusiastic freaking minutes you can fathom. The reveal of the new installment itself is strictly top-secret, and couldn’t be recorded. (On pain of ‘a renegade band of Cacodemons coming to your home at 4am to shit on the doorstep and eat your face,’ id Software’s lawyers said. Except they didn’t.) So this is just lucky attendees’ reactions.

Still, it’s safe to say that fans will not be disappointed. For once. After collating all of their testimonials, it looks like the general opinion was: 1) back to its roots, 2) amazing combat, 3) holy crap and 4) I need new pants.

All of which are good signs. We're on board.

Diane Kruger Bare-Arse Wonderment and Deborah Ann Woll Making the Passionate Sexy Highlight the Boob Tube Roundup (VIDEO)

 

We are living in glorious times. While we do have to pay for 500 channels we don't watch, there are a solid dozen now putting out mature fare for the mature viewers who like mature things. As a for instance, hot women without their clothes on. Everybody seems to be jumping on that bandwagon that started at the dawn of mankind. Or at least since we got our bobos dangling.

This week's Boob Tube Roundup include Diane Kruger bare bottomed in FX's second season of The Bridge, Deborah Ann Woll somehow having frenzied passion in True Blood but not quite flashing her udders, Lucy Walters tight nice booty in Power, Alexandra Gordon floating bare boobtastic in Hemlock Grove from Netflix, and Jaime Murray and her slender hot body make-up alien like for Defiance on SyFy. Let's just file these ladies under the rather extensive list of sextastic celebrities I wouldn't throw out of bed for really any reason. Such wonderful boob tube times. Enjoy.

Michelle Lewin Toned Booty Faptastic Bikini Raised Toward the Heavens in Miami

Just when you think Michelle Lewin can't taunt you with her bikini clad asstastic in any new positions, voila. Hello stretchy shiny thong bottoms barely covering sun-directed derriere in beach chair. It's like the world's greatest minds were brought in to brainstorm new ways for Michelle Lewin to give you a near heart-attack.

There's just something about this wicked hot thumper faptastic Venezuelan model that makes me want to commit to yet another gym membership. Monthly dues are tantamount to actually working out as far as I'm concerned. I would like to work on my sunscreen rubbing muscles should Michelle ever answer one of my email requests to be allowed to protect her rump skin from the brutal solar death rays of Mother Sun. I would emollient her booty with a fervor not seen since the days of Hercules. My hands would be chafed with utter satisfaction. Michelle, please write me back, my calendar is not filling up quickly. Enjoy.