‘Snowpiercer’ Might Be the Best Dystopian Sci-Fi Thriller About a Perpetual Motion Train Ever

You probably already know that Transformers 4 opens this weekend, and if you like franchise movies with lots of shiny explosions that don't require you to think, you should probably just go see that. I'm sure it's just great.

That being said, if you're looking for a sci-fi flick that's as original and clever as it is thrilling, you should know there is another option: Snowpiercer.

Snowpiercer stars Chris Evans, Tilda Swinton, Ed Harris, Octavia Spencer, John Hurt, and Jamie Bell. It is the first English language film of The Host director Joon-ho Bong, and after a protracted struggle with American distributor Harvey Weinstein (via Radius TWC) over the two-and-a-half hour running time, it's finally getting a limited release this weekend. And that's very good news, because critics around the globe love this film.

As for what Snowpiercer is about...well, actually, I'm not going to attempt to describe it in my own words, because that's hard. Instead, here's the official description:

It’s been 17 years since we froze the earth. The few remaining humans live on the Snowpiercer, a train on an infinite loop around the globe. For those at the front, it’s a lavish paradise of drugs and sushi in the lap of luxury; for those trapped in the tail section, life is short and cruel.

But change is in the air. Curtis (Chris Evans), desperate to escape the tail of the train, plans an uprising, aided by his mentor Gilliam (John Hurt). What begins as an isolated riot explodes into a mass revolution, an all-or-nothing push to the front of the train, and a war for humanity’s future. Who will live and who will die? How far can they go? Is there hope beyond the frozen wastes?

You can also take a look at the trailer. As you'll see, it looks like a cross between The Day After Tomorrow, The Hunger Games, and Throw Momma from the Train:

See? Doesn't Snowpiercer look way cooler than Transformers 4?

Panties Peeks, Leather Bra Cups, and Blonde Locks, It’s Paris Hilton Music Video Time!

As always, I must applaud Billionaire Barbie for having fun in all her various incarnations and play sets. In this case, pretending to be a musical artist, filming her new music video in the streets of Los Angeles, and, well, looking mighty fine. She really always does. For all the jokes, mostly deserved, Paris still manages the alluring look that earns her the big bucks overseas most especially. They don't pay you six figures to open a nightclub unless the guys in the club want to get with you. That's about as much business as I know.

Paris threw in some panties peeks and some pleather dominatrix wear just to up the ante. As for the music, well, listen at your own risk. As for Billionaire Barbie, she always carries on. Enjoy.

Beyonce Shakes Her Big Hot Thumper for Big Pimpin in Concert

Like most husband wives, Beyonce and Jay Z are spending their summer on tour making millions and showing off their bodies. Well, thankfully, just Beyonce on that latter front. And, man, what a MILFy hot body it is.

For anybody who though (like me) that Beyonce might change after motherhood, um, wrong. She's only gotten better. And that magical booty of hers, only fuller and funner. The way she shook it last night to open up the couple's big On The Run Tour this summer means that everybody who buys even an overpriced ticket will be getting their money's worth. If only it were possible to build a home in that bottomside, I could live happily ever after. Nice work, Beyonce. Enjoy.







India Reynolds Chests Up to Nicole Neal for a Funbag Showdown in the Battle of the Boobtastic

 

The battles may end, but the war shall never cease. Strike that, in reverse, the war is over, but the battles continue on, most definitely when we're talking about the web's #1 rated contest of teat-vs-teat we like to call the Battle of the Boobtastic. Four may enter, but only two may leave. Well, okay, we let all four out, but two get to go home with a prize pinned in their cleft declaring that on this day, they had the finest udders in the land.

This week's Battle of the Boobtastic pits super brunette sweetie India Reynolds against veteran blonde and chesty hottie, Nicole Neal. While I'd push any of you in front of a moving train if it bought me five minutes in the broom closet alone with either, that's not really my option today. Today is for you to decide the winner and the girl who could've been the winner but didn't win and when she cries I'll have my hanky conveniently at the ready. So, in your humble, yet expert opinion, whose ta-ta's reign supreme?

Battle of the Boobtastic: India Reynolds vs. Nicole Neal

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Jennifer Nicole Lee Wet and Wild and Wanton MILF Poolside in Miami

Nobody quite works the poolside shower like BBW turned MILFtastic fitness guru Jennifer Nicole Lee. This mom was born to get in and out of swimming pools, work the stair rail like a stripper pole, and flash her heavily worked out hot mommy body in never quite fitting swimsuits. If there was a bell every time somebody got a boner, the pool area of her condo complex would sound like a pinball machine.

I can't imagine there will ever be a super invention to moms with hot bodies showing off for the younger men. It's not just an innate fantasy, it's the height of the sextastic. Sure, the young girls are nice. But they don't know what the veteran hot moms do. Even Carmen Electra said sex at forty was much better than twenty because now she knows exactly what she wants. Oh, JNL, I bet you know exactly what you want to. I'd like you to teach me. I'll gladly stay after class. Hot moms make the world go-round. Enjoy.

Xenia Lodia Maria Bikini Pictures for WAG Thumper Glory Down Brazil Way

Now that I've just watched the most exciting 1-0 final score sporting event ever, it's time to get back to checking out the hot women of soccer, in this case, Xenia Lodia Maria, the model girlfriend of Norwich baller Leroy Fer. I haven't followed Fer's career so much, but I'm prepared to call him a very lucky man. I don't just mean being paid big bucks to kick the ball around for a living. I mean coming home to Xenia after she's spent the day tanning on the beach and being the guy who gets to aloe vera her all over parts.

It's a stiff competition as to which global sport has the most sextastic WAGs. I hate to merely get caught up in the World Cup momentum, but soccer certainly is right up there with the other sports in terms of hot ladies screaming for their men on the sidelines. They all seem to be dating or married to lingerie models. Such is my regret for not sticking with the sport, quitting so easily after my AYSO coach gently told me how badly I sucked. I'd never actually heard an adult use the term 'suck' before that moment. I wish I had the fortitude to ignore it. I could've been dating Xenia Lodia Maria. Enjoy.

Floating Cooler Brings the Party to the Pool

Now you can swim to your heart's content with a bottle of your favorite booze in hand--without having to leave the pool to get it--thanks to the Floating Cooler. It's basically a floating cooler with a removable ice chest in the middle, which is where the drinks are supposed to go.

If you're done sipping your drink or want to dive before chugging down the rest of the bottle, then no worries because you can just stick the bottle or cup into one of the six holders all around the floating cooler.

Get It: $32