Lance Armstrong Wins Boob Award

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elliot-wolf - May 1, 2018

Lance Armstrong has taught me a lot with his ordeal. Fake it until you make it was probably the most memorable takeaway. He inspired armchair activism with the yellow Livestrong wristbands everyone wore. I could care less about testicular cancer but that didn’t mean I still wasn’t trying to get a physical exam from the hottest girls in high school. The wristbands made you look like you cared about a cause and instantly became a fast pass into the pants of the girl you were pursuing. Sure things for Lance all fell apart later down the line when he lied about shooting up but the lessons were already learned. Now he’s back in the spotlight receiving an award for breast cancer. Because chesticles are testicles for females, and they can easily succumb to cancer as well.

Armstrong, who survived testicular cancer, will receive the Susan G. Komen LA Babes for Boobs Inspiration Award on June 7 at the El Rey Theatre.

Honestly, I was surprised how easy it was for the world to chastise a man with one nut. A man’s pearls are his pride and joy, and he was already producing less testosterone. The steroids were probably just to bring a bit of balance. I highly doubt the world would treat a woman with one boob she lost to cancer the same way if she was caught cheating. It’s great to know scum like Susan G. Komen, who sues smaller charitable cancer organizations over similar branding and slogans, is giving Lance a second chance.

Photo Credit: Anna Hansen and Lance Armstrong from Getty Images / Twitter

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