Sam Robeson - April 14, 2017
Fans of Kathy Griffin fall into two categories: gay or Kathy Griffin. The 56-year-old comedian took the Lady Gaga route by pandering her shtick to a subset of people with limited options. Through a combination of working out and intense amounts of surgical enhancements, Griffin’s body has actually remained bangable in dim light. Science has yet to catch up to her face. Pale-skinned women are the first to look like they have Droopy’s head stapled onto a mannequin's body.
Female comedians have it easy on social media. Don’t believe otherwise. They get to do the model standard poses without the criticisms faced by models for their imperfections. The expectation is so incredibly low, there's a built in "that's not as bad as I thought" baseline. Griffin gets a standing ovation for folding her arms over her bare tits. Their standup demands female equality. There are no male comedians posting topless selfies. They would be unmercifully skewered.
Griffin was smart enough to sleep with only queer fan boys which resulted in her never becoming pregnant. Her reward is a toned stomach for a woman in her 50's. Our reward is one less Griffin in this world. Her expression is ambiguous. She’s either thinking “I want to be a role model for women everywhere” or “Somebody find me fuckable to validate my existence.” Neither will come true. The gays will feed her soup in her old age. They're loyalty to Britney Spears jokes is unmatched.
Photo Credit: Instagram
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