It’s ‘Grand Theft Auto Online’ Day! (VIDEO)

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bill-swift - October 2, 2013

Yes indeed. At some point this morning/afternoon (depending upon where you live on the crusty surface of this mad old world of ours), Rockstar dropped another heaping helping of criminal goodness on us. GTA 5 now has its much ballyhooed multiplayer component, Grand Theft Auto Online.

That is to say, it would have, if it wasn't utterly ‘effed. Even Grandma Egotastic could have told you that the first day of online on this scale would be rather... problematic, and the only thing she knows about servers is that they aren't edible. So suffice it to say that, should you make it into the game at all, it's like a glitches, freezes and other weirdness party, and everyone's invited.

But when Online does get its shit together, it is quite the phenomenal experience. This is Los Santos at its expansive, do whatever in holy hell you want best, now with up to sixteen simultaneous players per 'session.' All of the activities are available in multiplayer, as are the impromptu ones. Whether you want to play a simple game of tennis with an old dude from Venezuela, or have a badass helicopter dogfight with your drunk friend Hobo Joe, you have at it.

Beginning with an oddly complex character creator (in which you choose your paternal and maternal grandparents to influence your guy/gal's appearance), a jet lands you in the city, where you are met by your ol' buddy Lamar from the story mode. A quick, non-optional racin'-and-a-robbin' tutorial later, and you're free to roam.

Your only objective is to gain money and reputation, both of which can come from all sorts of nefarious sources. Killing and robbing fellow players, holding up stores, heists, stealing and selling cars, escaping the loving attentions of the police, trafficking... all of these questionable business opportunities are available to you and your criminal cohorts. All of whom can add matching insignias to their clothing/cars, like they're Hells Angels or something.

So head online, and start living the dream of luxury apartment living (fueled by a criminal empire of theft, drug-running and general bastardry) that our forefathers intended.